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Titan79
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 46
0 km · Offaly
Forum
Sex God
Best, Saw Doctors in The Olympia a few years back, I'm by no means a Fan, was cajoled into going by a few friends, and surprisingly It was the best live gig I've had the pelasure of being at.
Worst, Bob Dylan in Pearce Stadium, Galway, The support acts stole the Show, and when he came on he was barely audible, on top of the fact he played all the hits to completely different music, so most hadnt a clue what song he was performing til about 30 seconds into them, We left after 20 minutes of his performance.
:bounce: Count me in n I promise to leave the the bubbly water Alone that night !!!! :giggle: Sex God
THE RAISE
I, the Penis, hereby requests a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Dear ,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative -you need to be pressured and stimulated to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
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How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
(a) Just one -- but he has to wait for the whole world to revolve around him.
(b) None at all -- he hires menials for work that's beneath him.
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A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are
so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, "Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school.
You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night." The son then asks his father, "What's the 6-pack for?"
The father replies, "Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday
morning." Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, "Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for....."
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never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
> >differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
> >Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head
> >and women with their heart.
> >
> >FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were
> >getting into bed.
> >
> >Well, the passion starts to heat up, we were all over each other
> >and just when I was ready to pound nails through two inch plywood
> >she looks up at me and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you
> >to hold me."
> >
> >I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
> >
> >So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
> >hear... "You're just not in
> >touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy
> >your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by
> >saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for
> >you in the bedroom?"
> >
> >Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
> >sleep.
> >
> >The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
> >with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
> >big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while
> >she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't
> >decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She
> >wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get
> >a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where
> >she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she
> >was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short
> >of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she
> >asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
> >tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine,
> >honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
> >excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I
> >think this is all
> >dear, let's go to the cashier."
> >
> >I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I
> >don't feel like it."
> >
> >Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
> >baffled WHAT?"
> >
> >I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
> >You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
> >for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when
> >she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why
> >can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
> >you?"
> >
> >Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least she
> >knows I'm smarter than her.
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Sex God
Misscool,
sorry to hear about your troubles, This is the kind of nightmare scenario no-one participating in swinging should have to through. Sadly there are sick individuals in this world, and the Internet can spread such images etc faster than you can blink an eye.
Hope your getting through this ok, and kudos on the bravery in telling people about the ordeal.
T
Sex God
Quote by xxforbidden
Not being able to reach up high to change the lightbulb in my bathroom and having to shower by candlelight.
im back in the dark ages. fml.
you paint a pretty picture
candles are great for the old soft lighting lol.RE Jeremy Kyle....Plenty of scandals Kyles been involved in, have a look around the web, theres a few knockign about. He'd scum.
Sex God
Two businessmen were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop...
As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arse-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old dear said, 'Must be doing well... Only two left."
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Two croupiers are bored silly at the craps table when this stunning blonde walks in. She proceeds to walk over to them. she says "I am extremely lucky when I play in the nude." So the croupiers look at each other and then at her. She strips off and places a very large bet. One game. She jumps up and down, screaming "I won! I won!" She collects her winnings, grabs her clothes and runs off. Dazed, on croupier asks the other, "How much did she win?"
"I don't know, thought you were watching the cards?"
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye-deer.
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Whats yellow and sleeps 7?
A council road workers van.
Sex God
Quote by kerrydragon
for some reason i dont quite understand if bees become extinct then the human race will die off also. kinda scarey when you think of it
you dont understand why ? well simply put because bee's pollinate most of the plant life on the planet. No plants = no Co2 converted to oxygen...we're all pretty much snookered and thats even before you take into account the fact theyre be no plants to eat if the bee's arent about to do they're job.
It Irks me to think we keep destroying the planet slowly, and despite the few that are doing theyre bit for the environment, it'll never be enough, the plundering far outnumbers the replenishing.
Right, Professor T has said enough for one thread.. lol
Sex God
Quote by sexycpl2010
hard to figure out how they didnt know he was there the biggest house in the town and no power or phone line goin into it
They(SEAL TEAM 6) obviously have been to some of the 'ghost' estates in ireland and thought in the worldwide financial crisis large dwelling structures lacking in basic ammenities was the latest trend.
ha ha titan pmsl did ya know the guy that set up seal team 6 called it that even though there is only seal team one, two and six, he called it that so that the russians would run round loooking for seal teams three four and five lol
I love it
Sex God
Quote by sexycpl2010
hard to figure out how they didnt know he was there the biggest house in the town and no power or phone line goin into it
They(SEAL TEAM 6) obviously have been to some of the 'ghost' estates in ireland and thought in the worldwide financial crisis large dwelling structures lacking in basic ammenities was the latest trend.
