The Shining........
Jack Torrance: Wendy, I'm home.
Wendy:OMG!!!!! Delbert he is home, quickly get dressed and hide in the loo...
Delbert Grady: Quick question Mrs Torrance? Did you cum?
Wendy: Bloody typical!!!!!!!!
Jack Torrance: Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in. Not by the hair of your chiny-chin-chin? Well then I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in.
Danny Torrance:Murder...Murder........Murder......
Director:Will someone tell that freak of a child that it is! bloody rum.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jack Torrance:Wendy What are you doing in here?
Wendy Torrance: Er.......Waxing my legs Jack..
Jack Torrance: Okay, let's talk.
Wendy Torrance: I can't hunni, until the wax hardens....
Jack Torrance: You can't!!!!!!!! Danny? Is Mummy waxing her legs
Danny Torrance: blankly..
Jack Torrance: Dannnnnnnnnnnnnnny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re-write the script..
Sex God
yep i agree,this thread is excellent,:clap:
really enjoying it 
Thanks
Thanks Whatever happened to Baby-Jane.
Blanche: Did you have a nice drive?
Jane: What are you talking about?
Blanche: Nothing dear,gee you're so gawd dang touchy! I... it's been so long since you drsgged your butt out of the house, I thought perhaps you had gone for a drive or something. You know I was thinking, it's ever so long since we had a talk, you know, a real talk about the future and everything. Jane, I didn't want you to be worried about the house, even if I do have to sell it, I will make sure I find you a good home....
Jane: Blanche!!! you're not gonna sell this house. Daddee bought this house, and he bought it for me! You don't think I remember that, do you?
Blanche: You're wrong, Jane. You've just 's the drink hunni it dulls your brain, I bought this house for the two of us, when I signed my first contract.
Jane: You don't think I remember anything, do you? Get me a damn drink now! I need to remember! There are a whole lot of things I remember. And you never paid for this house. Baby Jane Hudson made the money that paid for this house, that's who!
Blanche: Okay Jane, can you tell me who Baby Jane Hudson is?.
Jane: Blanche! of course I do ffs she is a famous movie star, I saw her on TV last week ffs, looks a bit rough to be honest, but I heard it's the booze and men...
Jane: and anyway I don't want to talk about it! Everytime I think about something nice, you remind me of bad things. I only want to talk about the nice things. Look at the letter Iv'e written to Daddee..
"Dear Daddee, wish you were with us love, I'm very good, Now when I'm very bad and piss Blanche off no end''..
Blanche: Who was that at the door earlier?
Jane: Jack Nicholson..He always rings twice...
Blanche: Where is he now? In the pantry?
Jane: No, I left him chatting to Daddee in the cellar...
Jane: Oh, Blanche? You know we've got rats in the cellar?
Blanche:Yes.
Blanche: Do you mind!not breathing down my freakin neck! everytime I ans the god damn phone!
Jane: I know who it was!
Blanche:Yes , Jane, it really was Daddee...!
Jane:How did he sound Blanche?? Please tell me....
Blanche: A little distant, but in good spirits Jane, he said he will see you soon, and that he got your letter....
Blanche: Did you have a nice drive?
Jane: What are you talking about?
Blanche: Nothing dear,gee you're so gawd dang touchy! I... it's been so long since you drsgged your butt out of the house, I thought perhaps you had gone for a drive or something. You know I was thinking, it's ever so long since we had a talk, you know, a real talk about the future and everything. Jane, I didn't want you to be worried about the house, even if I do have to sell it, I will make sure I find you a good home....
Jane: Blanche!!! you're not gonna sell this house. Daddee bought this house, and he bought it for me! You don't think I remember that, do you?
Blanche: You're wrong, Jane. You've just 's the drink hunni it dulls your brain, I bought this house for the two of us, when I signed my first contract.
Jane: You don't think I remember anything, do you? Get me a damn drink now! I need to remember! There are a whole lot of things I remember. And you never paid for this house. Baby Jane Hudson made the money that paid for this house, that's who!
Blanche: Okay Jane, can you tell me who Baby Jane Hudson is?.
Jane: Blanche! of course I do ffs she is a famous movie star, I saw her on TV last week ffs, looks a bit rough to be honest, but I heard it's the booze and men...
Jane: and anyway I don't want to talk about it! Everytime I think about something nice, you remind me of bad things. I only want to talk about the nice things. Look at the letter Iv'e written to Daddee..
"Dear Daddee, wish you were with us love, I'm very good, Now when I'm very bad and piss Blanche off no end''..
Blanche: Who was that at the door earlier?
Jane: Jack Nicholson..He always rings twice...
Blanche: Where is he now? In the pantry?
Jane: No, I left him chatting to Daddee in the cellar...
Jane: Oh, Blanche? You know we've got rats in the cellar?
Blanche:Yes.
Blanche: Do you mind!not breathing down my freakin neck! everytime I ans the god damn phone!
Jane: I know who it was!
Blanche:Yes , Jane, it really was Daddee...!
Jane:How did he sound Blanche?? Please tell me....
Blanche: A little distant, but in good spirits Jane, he said he will see you soon, and that he got your letter....
Mary Poppins:
Oh, I make it a point never to seek references. A very old-fashioned idea to my mind.
Mr. Banks:
Is that so? We'll have to see about that then, won't we?
Mary Poppins: Now then, the qualifications. "Item one: a nice rack." 38D…best money can buy. "Item two: rosy cheeks." Do you like this bootie. "Item three: play games, all sorts." Well, I'm sure you all will find my games extremely diverting.
Mr. Banks: May I? Eh, this paper? Where did you get it from? I thought I tore it up.
Mary Poppins: Excuse me. "Item four: you must be kind." I am kind, but extremely firm. Bend over until I show you
Mr. Banks: Ah! Yeah. That profile, you see. I thought that I--
Mary Poppins:
You are GorgeousGeorge, are you not?
Mr. Banks: What?
Mary Poppins: And you did advertise on S41 for a hot Bi-nanny, did you not?
Mr. Banks: George Banks.
Mary Poppins: Very well then.
Mr. Banks: I deleted the add … erased it…asked the Mods to hide it … I got cold feet
Mary Poppins: I beg your pardon. Are you ill?
Mr. Banks: I hope not.
Mary Poppins: Now, about my wages. The reference here is very obscure.
Mr. Banks: Very obscure.
Mary Poppins: We must be very clear on that point, mustn't we?
Mr. Banks: Yes, we must indeed.
Mary Poppins: I shall require every second Tuesday off for my swing meets.
Mr. Banks: Every Tuesday, 1st Fridays & alternative weekends.
Mary Poppins: On second thoughts, I believe a trial period would be wise. Hmm. I'll give you one week. I'll know by then. I'll see the children now. Thank you.
Close your mouth please, Michael. We are not a codpiece. Well, don't stand there staring. Kneel down & spit polish my thigh high boots
Mrs. Banks: George? Aah! George, what on earth are you doing? I thought you were interviewing nannies.
Mr. Banks I was! I was!
Mrs. Banks: You mean you've finished one already?
Mr. Banks: Yes, it's done. It's, it's all done.
Mrs. Banks: Well, where is she?
Mr. Banks: What? Well, eh, she's in the bedroom…, I mean. I put her to work straightaway, I mean.
Mrs. Banks: How clever of you! I would have muddled the whole thing. Tell me, is she everything that we'd hoped she be?
Mr. Banks: Well, yes and more
Mrs. Banks: Will she be firm? Will she give commands? Will she mold our young breed?
Mr. Banks You know, Winifred, I think she will. I think she will.
Mrs. Banks:
In that case, perhaps you'd better tell Ellen to dismiss the others.
Mr. Banks: The others? Oh, yes. Ellen?
Ellen: Y-yes, sir?
Mr. Banks:
Tell the other applicants they may go. The position has been filled.
Ellen: The others, sir?
Mr. Banks: Yes, the others. How many Bi fems does a man of his age think he can manage…?
Ellen: The position has been filled.
Jane: I'm afraid the dungeon isn't very tidy.
Mary Poppins: It is rather like a bear pit, isn't it?
Michael: That's a funny sort of bag.
Mary Poppins: be careful because it can burn you
Michael: You mean to carry carpets in?
Mary Poppins: No. Made of.
Jane: This is your room, and there's a lovely view of the naturist park where our neighbours sun bathe.
Mary Poppins: Hmm. Well, it's not exactly The beach bar. Still, it's clean. Yes, I think it will be quite suitable. Just needs a touch here and there. Well, first things first. I always say, the place to hang a hat is on a firm cock. Ah! Yes… This will never do! I much prefer seeing all of my face at the same time. The ceiling mirror is just perfect.
Michael: There-- but there was nothing in it.
Mary Poppins: Never judge things by their appearance. Even single guys. I'm sure I never do. A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Mmm, a little more light, perhaps.
Michael: We better keep an eye on this one. She's tricky.
Jane: She's wonderful & a great figure …we picked a good one this time.
Mary Poppins: Much better! Now, let me see. That's funny. I always carry it with me. It must be here somewhere.
Michael: What?
Mary Poppins: My new big strap-on of leave home without it...
Michael: What do you want it for?
Mary Poppins: I want to see how you boys like to take it up the ass.
Oh, I make it a point never to seek references. A very old-fashioned idea to my mind.
Mr. Banks:
Is that so? We'll have to see about that then, won't we?
Mary Poppins: Now then, the qualifications. "Item one: a nice rack." 38D…best money can buy. "Item two: rosy cheeks." Do you like this bootie. "Item three: play games, all sorts." Well, I'm sure you all will find my games extremely diverting.
Mr. Banks: May I? Eh, this paper? Where did you get it from? I thought I tore it up.
Mary Poppins: Excuse me. "Item four: you must be kind." I am kind, but extremely firm. Bend over until I show you
Mr. Banks: Ah! Yeah. That profile, you see. I thought that I--
Mary Poppins:
You are GorgeousGeorge, are you not?
Mr. Banks: What?
Mary Poppins: And you did advertise on S41 for a hot Bi-nanny, did you not?
Mr. Banks: George Banks.
Mary Poppins: Very well then.
Mr. Banks: I deleted the add … erased it…asked the Mods to hide it … I got cold feet
Mary Poppins: I beg your pardon. Are you ill?
Mr. Banks: I hope not.
Mary Poppins: Now, about my wages. The reference here is very obscure.
Mr. Banks: Very obscure.
Mary Poppins: We must be very clear on that point, mustn't we?
Mr. Banks: Yes, we must indeed.
Mary Poppins: I shall require every second Tuesday off for my swing meets.
Mr. Banks: Every Tuesday, 1st Fridays & alternative weekends.
Mary Poppins: On second thoughts, I believe a trial period would be wise. Hmm. I'll give you one week. I'll know by then. I'll see the children now. Thank you.
Close your mouth please, Michael. We are not a codpiece. Well, don't stand there staring. Kneel down & spit polish my thigh high boots
Mrs. Banks: George? Aah! George, what on earth are you doing? I thought you were interviewing nannies.
Mr. Banks I was! I was!
Mrs. Banks: You mean you've finished one already?
Mr. Banks: Yes, it's done. It's, it's all done.
Mrs. Banks: Well, where is she?
Mr. Banks: What? Well, eh, she's in the bedroom…, I mean. I put her to work straightaway, I mean.
Mrs. Banks: How clever of you! I would have muddled the whole thing. Tell me, is she everything that we'd hoped she be?
Mr. Banks: Well, yes and more
Mrs. Banks: Will she be firm? Will she give commands? Will she mold our young breed?
Mr. Banks You know, Winifred, I think she will. I think she will.
Mrs. Banks:
In that case, perhaps you'd better tell Ellen to dismiss the others.
Mr. Banks: The others? Oh, yes. Ellen?
Ellen: Y-yes, sir?
Mr. Banks:
Tell the other applicants they may go. The position has been filled.
Ellen: The others, sir?
Mr. Banks: Yes, the others. How many Bi fems does a man of his age think he can manage…?
Ellen: The position has been filled.
Jane: I'm afraid the dungeon isn't very tidy.
Mary Poppins: It is rather like a bear pit, isn't it?
Michael: That's a funny sort of bag.
Mary Poppins: be careful because it can burn you
Michael: You mean to carry carpets in?
Mary Poppins: No. Made of.
Jane: This is your room, and there's a lovely view of the naturist park where our neighbours sun bathe.
Mary Poppins: Hmm. Well, it's not exactly The beach bar. Still, it's clean. Yes, I think it will be quite suitable. Just needs a touch here and there. Well, first things first. I always say, the place to hang a hat is on a firm cock. Ah! Yes… This will never do! I much prefer seeing all of my face at the same time. The ceiling mirror is just perfect.
Michael: There-- but there was nothing in it.
Mary Poppins: Never judge things by their appearance. Even single guys. I'm sure I never do. A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Mmm, a little more light, perhaps.
Michael: We better keep an eye on this one. She's tricky.
Jane: She's wonderful & a great figure …we picked a good one this time.
Mary Poppins: Much better! Now, let me see. That's funny. I always carry it with me. It must be here somewhere.
Michael: What?
Mary Poppins: My new big strap-on of leave home without it...
Michael: What do you want it for?
Mary Poppins: I want to see how you boys like to take it up the ass.
Wizard of Oz......
Scarecrow: I haven't got a willy... only straw.
Dorothy: How can you have babies if you haven't got a willy?
Scarecrow: I don't know... But some people without willies do an awful lot of talking... don't they?
Dorothy
stifles giggles) Yes, I guess you're right.
Tin Woodsman: Go away straw willy and leave Dorothy alone.
Cowardly Lion: Oh, shut up tin! I heard you're made of wood!! Ha ha ha ha.
Scarecrow: OMG!!!!!!! That must be damn painful...
Scarecrow:Anyway enough about Willies, Dorothy took my legs off and then threw them over there! Then she took my chest out and they threw it over there!
Tin Woodsman: Well, that's her all over! Mean mare!
Wicked Witch of the West: You cursed man! Look what you've done! I'm melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a tin man could melt me... Oooooh, look out! I'm coming...! Oooooh! Ooooooh!
Wizard of Oz: Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. He is only here to watch......
Wizard of Oz: As for you, my straw friend, you want a proper willy???. You don't know how lucky you are not to have cost a lot of quids you know...
Tin Woodsman: But I still want one!!!!!!
Scarecrow: I haven't got a willy... only straw.
Dorothy: How can you have babies if you haven't got a willy?
Scarecrow: I don't know... But some people without willies do an awful lot of talking... don't they?
Dorothy
stifles giggles) Yes, I guess you're right. Tin Woodsman: Go away straw willy and leave Dorothy alone.
Cowardly Lion: Oh, shut up tin! I heard you're made of wood!! Ha ha ha ha.
Scarecrow: OMG!!!!!!! That must be damn painful...
Scarecrow:Anyway enough about Willies, Dorothy took my legs off and then threw them over there! Then she took my chest out and they threw it over there!
Tin Woodsman: Well, that's her all over! Mean mare!
Wicked Witch of the West: You cursed man! Look what you've done! I'm melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a tin man could melt me... Oooooh, look out! I'm coming...! Oooooh! Ooooooh!
Wizard of Oz: Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. He is only here to watch......
Wizard of Oz: As for you, my straw friend, you want a proper willy???. You don't know how lucky you are not to have cost a lot of quids you know...
Tin Woodsman: But I still want one!!!!!!
Hermione: Oh Harry you are such a powerful wizard now that we have graduated show me some more of your magic.
Harry: Stand in the corner Hermione, ( waves wand) Now Hermione use that nine foot tongue to lick my balls from there.
Hermione: (looks at harry) : what nine foot tongue.
Harry: Well if its not you Hermione then who is licking my balls. (spins round) Jesus Ron could you not do that. I am out of here.
leaps thru window but having dropped his wand falls to his death.
Hermione sprawls on the sofa and slowly raises her skirt saying Ron what can I possibly use a nine foot tongue for.
Ron (smiling):He wasnt that good a wizard Hermione, he only made my cock 9 inches long.
Hermione lays back on the sofa and spreads her legs. Scene fades slowly with Hermione whistling "happy days are here again" followed by a long moan of pleasure.
CUT
And print it.
Hermione: cant we go on just alittle longer.
Director: Oh OK keep rolling guys we will save this for the DVD's extras, we'll call it Hermiones First Gangbang.
Fade to black with sounds of zippers descending.
Titanic … 2nd meeting of Rose & jack
Hello Jack.
JACK
Hello again.
ROSE
Could I speak to you in a private room?
JACK
Uh, yes. Of course. After you. So, you got a name by the way?
ROSE
Rose. Rose DeWitt Bukakkee.
JACK
That's quite a moniker. I may hafta get you to write that down.
ROSE
Mr. Dawson, I--
JACK
Jack.
ROSE
Jack... I feel like such an idiot. It took me all morning to get up the
nerve to cam with you.
JACK
Well, here you are.
ROSE
Here I am. I... I want to thank you for what you did. Not just for... for pulling back. I don’t normally do one night stands or sex on a first date.
JACK
You're welcome. Rose.
ROSE
Look, I know what you must be thinking! Poor little rich girl. Likes a bit of rough now and then.
JACK
That's not what I was thinking. What I was thinking was... great ride…when can we go again…. I woke up with this massive hard-on.
ROSE
mmm…nice
JACK
Do you think you can help a poor boy in need.
ROSE (she lowers her head)
Oh God, yes… my good deed for the day. Gawd look at that thing! Are a big boy …how could I forget…
JACK
So you feel like you wanna suck this
ROSE
Yes, exactly!
ROSE
Oh, Jack... your tickling my today I want you to cum on my tits …not in my mouth…and then I want....
Tellytubbies.
It was another lovely day in Tellytubbyland. The Telltubbies were still in bed as they all lost their jobs so why would you be arsed getting up. Dipsy got out of bed to go to the loo and slapped po on the ass as he got out of bed. La La said what about me so he slapped her on the ass too.
A voice from the other bed said why dont you slap my ass big boy. Dipsy said be quiet you big pufter or i will jam the noo noo up ur ass.
ummmmmmm said Tinky winky ok but I will have to take out my butt plug first. Dipsy said for fuck sake and headed for the bathroom. He was almost through the door when he turned and said why is the nozzle of the noo noo going under your duvet Tinky Winky. Tinky Winky smiled and said Oh you silly boy where do you think the tubby custard comes from........... to be continued.....
Clitty Clitty Bang Bang Lyrics
Jeremy:
What a funny noise it's making!
Caractacus:
It's talking to us--all clittys talk!
Jemima:
What's it saying?
It's saying Clitty, Clitty, Clitty, Bang me, Bang me
Oh you pretty Clitty,Clitty
Clitty Clitty Bang Bang
We love you.
Bang Bang, that’s
What we'll do.
Near, far, ion the back seat of our motor car, Oh what a happy time we'll spend.
Bang Bang Clitty Clitty Bang Bang
Our fine smooth lipped friend.
Bang Bang Clitty Clitty Bang Bang
Oh you pretty Clitty, We love you.
Your smooth as a peach.
Your lips are moist.
You'll turn everybody's head today.
We'll glide on your moist lips
The envy of all that would love to enjoy you
Oh Pretty Clitty Bang Bang
Clitty Clitty Bang Bang
We love you.
