:taz:
There just got over it.:smile2: 
Sex God
Let down but sure as anything will get over it.:taz:
There just got over it.:smile2:
:taz:
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Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 49
0 km · Antrim
Forum
Sex God
smooth without a doubt and what a differance it makes..... :lick::lickface:
Sex God
We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'
I hope this clears up any confusion
But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'
I hope this clears up any confusion
Sex God
The International Council of Man Laws
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her
Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be
legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his
sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry
her.
5:Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's
fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is
unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. In fact, even remembering
your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that
point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
birthday boy's choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines
pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a
sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in
progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may in front of a woman only after you
have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under
the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment
(commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially
your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink
only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and
it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's
free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril
are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13:Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you
didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must
be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge
of the game and the ability to drink as much as the
other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively
dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd
better be talking about his choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing
a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex
pending your response.
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are
on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in
line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman
to go on longer than you are able to have sex with
her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly
'just a friend'
have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're
feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to
nail each other again before the discussion occurs
about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown,
pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you
want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know
what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating
or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
:doggy: adventurous Sex 
Sex God
right then back to the jokes...
Jack was about to marry Jill when his Father took him to one When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers,' he said.
'I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large.
I told her; of course they're too big. I wear the trousers In this family and I always will.. Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.'
Jack took his Father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on.
Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them.
'Exactly,' replied Jack. 'I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that.'
Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. 'Try these on,' she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.
'I can't possibly get into your knickers,' said Jack.
'Exactly,' replied Jill. 'And if you don't change your f*cking attitude, you never will.'
Sex God
History Mystery
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.
look at the lips
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Sex God
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a
party
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and
now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave
his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and
joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to
become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a
brand new jet for his birthday.'
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very
nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square
foot mansion.'
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth
returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations
for?'
One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the
successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub.'
The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love
him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and
he
received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a
top
of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.
Sex God
One U2 there are a thousand more but when i am put into the ground that will defo be played unless somebody decides to fuck with me one last time and stick Cheesney Hawks into the cd palyer as they lower me down.:haha:
Sex God
:O jeepers Marie hate to spoil your run in the forums but gotta do it.:mrgreen:
It Aint Over til Its Over .... Lenny Kravitz
It Aint Over til Its Over .... Lenny Kravitz 
to make it better.
Happy place coming soon :sleeping:
