Quote by slave
I'm up for it but Michelle won't be going so I presume I wont get an invite:lol: :lol:
Slave if you ask nicely am sure you will get an invite :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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parky
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 47
0 km · Kerry
Forum
:drinkies: :bounce::bounce:Quote by Bedtimebaby
:-D:whistling::whistling: more for ya to test out
Arch
Arm Chair
Atten-hut
Basset Hound
Ben Dover
Big Dipper
Bridge
Butterfly
Crab
Cross
Deck Chair
Delight
And yes there all positions:rotflmao::rotflmao::swingingchair::swingingchair:
Beddy a few of those ive never heard of :huh::huh: you will have to show me a few :swingingchair::swingingchair:
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 22 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection....................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories
PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 192 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary............................. 112 Calories
69 lying down.......................... 178 Calories
69 standing up......................... 312 Calories
Wheelbarrow............................ 386 Calories
Doggy Style............................ 400 Calories
Italian chandelier..................... 972 Calories
ORGASMING:
Real................................... 112 Calories
Fake.................................. 315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over......................... Results are still pending
DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................. 32 Calories
In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories
Application for Permission to Date My Daughter
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,current medical report from your doctor and personal reccomendation from your clergy.
NAME______________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT_______ WEIGHT________ IQ______ GPA_________
SOCIAL SECURITY #___________ DRIVERS LICENSE #__________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS____________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ______________________
If less than your age, explain
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend
___________________________________________________
How often you attend
________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
____________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
____________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
____________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
____________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
____________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_____________________ Â Â Â _____________________
Mother's Signature          Father's Signature
____________________ Â Â Â _____________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi          State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
Yes have to agree with everyone else...what a great weekend it was, was great to meet so many great people, some ive known for a while and others i met for the first time, the venue fri night was perfect and what a great night it was...so good i stayed sat night also..probably the best weekend i had in a long long time and made some good friends also...so KK girl you have set the bar very high and well done to you....so now just waiting for the next invite to Kilkenny!!
It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub. The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.
A young Garda is using the speed gun up in Sligo, along comes a man in a black VW golf doing 30km over the limit. The Garda stops him and asks for his licence "i dont have one Guard" he replies "open the glove box" guard says, "I cant", "why not", says guard, "because their is a gun in it", "why have you a gun?" asks guard, "because ive a dead body in the boot"
Young guard starts to panic and calls for back-up, Sgt arrives moments later and asks driver to open glove box, he does, but no gun, Sgt asks him to open the boot, he does, but no body!
Sgt says to driver "this young guard called me saying you had no licence, a gun in your glove box and a dead body in the boot. "Bejaysus" driver replies "and i suppose he said i was fucking speeding aswell" ......... :haha:
Interesting and good thread, ive also have followed Edens thread and in all fairness most of what she pointed out should be common sense to us men folk. I also know from speaking to the many great people on here that alot of single guys do shoot themselves in the foot by no shows etc.
I think a little respect goes along way in having fun on here. We are all here for the same thing but good friendships can be built here also.
The fact that the ratio of men to women is enormous does give the ladies the upper hand when coming to meets etc, im sure their mail boxes are full of requests etc. From my own experience (which isn't alot) i have found that the ladies need to feel we are not time wasters and messers as most of us lead busy lives and dont have time to be dealing with time wasters. So thats all i have to add on this matter....happy swinging :thumbup:
