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lancelot
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 70
Ireland
Forum
And so, it transpired that a wild colonial lad named Ned Kelly, (unconvincly portrayed by Mick Jagger), had stumbled into the neighbourhood 20 years earlier and had swept Kathleen's ma off her feet by singing to her,"Oh sweet Virginia; got to scrape the shit right off my shoe." (Side 2, Exile on Main Street)
Unfortunately, Ned had to skidaddle and Kathleen's ma had to settle with the incestuous Pa Walton, about whom Ned (aka Mick) had alluded to in his song.
Stan scratched his head again and.......
...who had invited to his barn-dance his 2 good friends, Stan and Ollie.
Stan had a little too much of the local hooch and took a shine to Kathleen Walton. He proceeded to serenade her with this ditty;
"In the Blue-ridged mountains of Virginia,
On the trail of the Mountain Pine,
There I met my sweet Kathleen.
Oh Kathleen, like the mountains I'm blue,
Like the pine, I am lonesome for youuuu.."
Whereon, Ollie, the straight guy, gave him a slap on the head and pronounced,"That's another fine mess you got me into; did you not know that Kathleen has 400 siblings and they all have a mole on their cheek!"
Stan scratched his head in the initable style of a true Englishman, and finally worked out that in-breeding was rife in the locality.
But, Kathleen had no mole on her cheek, and Stan wishfully thought that perhaps she had a different grand-father to the rest of her 399 siblings..
Quote by user=alan-ball
This is hard alan, with a combination of being too honest and as my biggest flaw is self-deprecation, all my attempts ended up being a bit negative, best I came up with being 'considerate, loyal, but really rather dull'. Best to just read all the sweet comments left by other people on my profile, they make me smile. (thank you to the lovely people who left them)
"rather dull" ... although we only have a forum & mail relationship I think the lady does her self no favours ... dull should not be a word in your vocabulary.
I second that Alan. Here here!
It was time for bed for Newbie Oakley, but, what was she to do with Corporal Jones?
He gazed at her with those simple,rustic eyes and her heart melted.
She invited him to sleep on her floor.
Corp. Jones was delighted; he had only wished to kiss her ruby-red lips, but now he was to sleep alongside her.
And guess what? Newbie planted a peck good-night on his lips, and now he was in 7th heaven.
He fell asleep in contentment, in the knowledge that Newbie was indeed the ultimate exponent of eternal succour.
And on the 7th day, God said, "thou shalt have sex and feck the mass-going begrudgers".
This was the 11th Commandment that was written on the stone tablet that Moses had shattered in his rage on Mt. Sinai. Alas, when picking up the pieces, he failed to spot the stone chard carrying the final commandment.
It might be an idea to organise a pilgrimage to Mt. Sinai to retrieve this most important of graven images.
and espyed a bright luminous object hurtling towards her. She'd overheard drunken cowboys talk of UFOs, but she was sober, and wondered whether she was experiencing a mirage.
But, no she wasn't: it was H.G. Wells' "Time Machine".
Phew, she sighed, thank god it wasn't "War of the Worlds".
The time machine made a tardis-like groan and landed in the middle of the dirt-track mainsteet.
The door opened, and who emerged? It was the one and only Corporal Jones dressed in his dapper khaki uniform. He had pulled the wishbone after Christmas dinner, and having retained the larger part of his bone had wished to kiss the bright red lips of Newbie Oakley.
What was to become of the aged, naive Englishman in the wild, untamed environment that he had wished for?
Quote by user=newbie9
Newbie Oakley knew that she would have to act fast, Eastwood would not stand for the continued deranged babble from the cattle thief, he would shoot him, and as a witness the sheriff would be forced to lock him up. None of them their wanted that. The sheriff was in a bad enough mood being asked for money by bonns when he had taken it that they nights were free, what with him being the law in these here parts. She would have to diffuse the situation, and fast, it was time to pull out her own big guns. She walked over to the stage, swinging her hips, and nodded to the piano man, took a drag from her cigarette to improve her Greta Garbo voice, and started to sing,
"Here I stand, the goddess of Desire
Set men on fire
I have this power
Morning noon and night it's drink and dancing
Some quick romancing
And then a shower
Stage door johnnies always surround me
They always hound me
With one request
Who can satisfy their lustful habits
I'm not a rabbit
I need some rest
I'm tired
Sick and tired of love
I've had my fill of love
From below and above
Tired, tired of being admired
Tired of love uninspired
Let's face it
I'm tired
I've been with 1000's of men
Again and again
They promise the moon
They always coming and going
Going and coming
And always too soon
Right girls?
I'm tired,
Tired of playing the game
Ain't it a crying shame
I'm so tired
God dammit I'm exhausted
Tired, tired of playing the game
Ain't it a crying shame
I'm so tired
She's tired (She's tired)
Sick and tired of love (Give her a break)
She's had her fill of love (She's not a snake)
From bellow and above (Can't you see she's sick)
Tired (She's bushed)
Tired of being admired (Let her alone)
Tired of love uninspired (Get off the phone)
She's tired (Don't you know she's pooped)
I've been with 1000's of men
Again and again
They sing the same tune
They start with Byron and Shelly
And jump on your belly
And bust your ballon
Aye!
Tired, tired of playing the game
Ain't it a freakin' shame
I'm so...
Let's face it everything below the waist is kapput!
Tired!
The effect was immediate, Sabre, who had been so busy stealing cattle hadn't seen a woman in months, and the seductive skills of Oakley on the stage were too much for him, he passed out on the floor. Serrif Wayne stepped in quickly and put handcuffs on him. But this still left the card player to deal with, and a trigger happy barman with a pechanct for white chocolate...
Very good Newbs, in fact, brilliant. I'm not feeling that creative at the moment, but will re-enter at some stage with colours emblazoned as in Shelley, Keats et al (now I'm quoting early Rod Stewart song, but can't remember title)
I disagree Padds.
I use the favourites to file the person so that when I come on site, I have someone remotely compatible to converse with (ie women over 40 normally, although I do add others I have chatted with in room, most notably, the delectable Dora).
I think the fault might be with the site in informing the chosen favourite, when, quite often the choice is made flippantly, induced by an abundance of gargle!!