An analogue schlong in a digital age.

Account descriptions.

40....ish. 49.

Adventurous. Shagged all their mates.

Athletic. Little to no tits.

Average looking. Slapped arse for a face.

Beautiful. Pathological liar.

Contagious smile. Medicated.

Educated. Lost virginity in boarding school. The wrong way.

Emotionally secure. See "contagious smile".

Free spirited. Self medicated.

Friendship first. Slut in denial.

Fun. Annoying.

Gentle. Dull.

New-aged. Body hair issues.

Old fashioned. Anal is out.

Open minded. Desperate.

Out going. May embarrass you in public.

Passionate. May embarrass you in public when drunk.

Professional. Bitch.

Romantic. Frigid.

Social. Chuff like a wizards sleeve.

Soul mate. Stalker.

Widower. Suspected of murder.

Okay so I guess I'm back. Back by popular demand.