> It has long been contended that there are male jokes and there are female
> jokes, and there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female
> joke. I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will
> pass it along to a woman who will love it.
>
> A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her
> girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy,
> middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take
> her eyes off him.
>
> The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked
> directly toward her. (As men will.)
>
> Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over
> and whispered to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want
> me to do, no matter how kinky, for $ ..on one condition.'
>
> Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, 'You
> have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'
>
> The woman considered his
> proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse,
> which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked
> deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said:
>
> 'Paint my house.'
>
> (YOU GO, GIRL!)
>
> Money well spent!!!
Warming the Bed
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:rotflmao:luv it, go the girl smarts!!! :rotflmao::rotflmao:
Here's another one:
Peter invites his mother over for tea. She notices his flatmate is slightly camp & although she suspected Peter was gay he denies that anything is going on, insisting that they are just flat mates.
A week later Joe says to Peter, "ever since your mother came over for tea I can't find the frying pan."
Peter e-mails his Mum and says
"Dear Mum, I'm not saying that you DID take the frying pan and i'm not saying you DIDN'T but its been missing ever since you came over for tea. Love Peter xxx"
His mum replies:
"Dear Son, I'm not sayin you DO sleep with Joe and I'm not saying you DON'T but if he was sleepin in his own bed he would have found the frying pan by now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love Mum xxxx"
:worship::worship:
Thank you Thank you and for my encore:
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was After Eight, they got off at Quailty Street. He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said with a Wispa.
"I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts" he replied. He touched her Creme Eggs and slipped his hands into her Snickers. He fondlered her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his TicTacs. It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight and he shot his chewy centre.
But 3 days later his Sherbet dib-dab started to itch. Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he fucks Allsorts!:doh::rascal:
:drinkies: luv this one 
:smoke:
Couple are sitting in their lounge, hubby is flicking tv channels...
footy...
porn....
footy...
porn....
footy...
Wife says "Leave it on the porn, you know how to play football"
:thrilled::thrilled::whistling:
