I have come across a rather strange issue here in swing that I never expected.
jealousy, if I arrange to meet somebody from here and we have set a date, does that mean I am not allowed to chat or flirt with other pll on the site, I am not looking for love thought that would be obvious after all this is a swinging site, that's twice now jealousy in swing4 has come between me and a meet.
manti
Well done Manti for raising this, yes it happens a lot unfortunately..
I can only give my feelings, opinions on the subject, not speak for the other members..
During my time swinging I have like yourself,been told sorry meet is off A or B is annoyed we are meeting.
It never fails to amaze me that some people on sites, feel that they are exclusive..
Now in saying that I can understand people who have agreed to be mutualy inclusive, couples and partners..
I have a defiante line on that, if your partner says no or doesn't know, then sorry it is defiantely a no go..
But if it is a case of another woman or man preventing someone from meeting me, out of jealousy then they are not very confident or aware of what swinging actualy means.
Manti, I am sorry to hear that this has not once but twice! Unfortunately this happens, it's not very nice and could shatter your reasons for being here. Thankfully the above scenario does not happen that often. My advice would be to contact the parties concerned and discuss. Just my two pennies worth and chin up m8.
Quote by user=manti I have come across a rather strange issue here in swing that I never expected. jealousy, if I arrange to meet somebody from here and we have set a date, does that mean I am not allowed to chat or flirt with other pll on the site, I am not looking for love thought that would be obvious after all this is a swinging site, that's twice now jealousy in swing4 has come between me and a meet. manti
This is actually very common people I have encountered it a number of times with various peeps. One I know of (female part of a couple) was pissed at a single guy cos he was flirting and chatting to me in chatrooms. I mean what the fuck?? This is why swinging is not for everyone to be honest. I try and let it go over my head but it does annoy you sometimes. I am on this site to have FUN some people need to cop themselves on!!
well said barb, you should not feel the need to just have ties to the next person you are going to have your next meet with, if someone does get jealous well they are the ejits that are on the wrong web site!!! its not a site called swingjustwithme
Strangly there is with some people this need for exclusivity ... hence the slight Bunny Boiler attitude ... & if at a meet with such a couple would either be jealous if the other seemed to be having more fun .
This is about meeting people, if you want wexclusive you should be up front about it & tell the people you are meeting that is what you are looking for - your own personal fuck buddies- but it is a bit against the ethos of the site.
i d like to add to this sometimes its not jealousy on some ppls halves ..... i know of some ppl who dont want to meet ppl who have unprotected sex with ppl or have been with most the site.... so if ppl they want to meet have been with ppl like that it obviously puts them off... i myself wudnt be jealous of ppl but i am concious of my health etc.. so ye there for i am put of meeting sum ppl due to the fact they have met other ppl of the site who either have had unprotected sex or have been with alot of partners in such a short space of time... for me swinging is not quantity its quality... if i wanted a shag of just any one i wud go to a niteclub and pull.... this might sound harsh to people but i do believe every one to there own and as this is ment to be an open minded site i think we should all respect why ppl do or dont want to meet ppl and understand that not all of it has to do with jealousy... so for me personally if ppl want to have unprotected sex then fine or if they want to meet as many ppl as they can ... then fine... but that is just not for me ....
mmm Jen I see where you are coming from but kinda getting off the subject of jealousy on S4I. Obviously every member is over 18 and responsible for their own health and wellbeing that goes without saying. I wouldnt be put off being with some one because of who they have or havent met with however as I personally like to make my own mind up about people. I can kind of understand jealously within a married couple though if you thought your partner (be it husband or wife) seems to be more into a particular person because emotions are involved there and that would be only natural I suppose. I just found it strange to encounter it from singles on a swing site? My tuppence worth anyway.....
Firstly I wholeheartedly agree with jens comments ,
As for jealousy , speaking from my own past experiences when I was in a couple , it was the emotional connection that I found a problem , couldnt care less who my ex partner played with as long as it was safe sex and I was told about it , however the emotional connection which he seemed to need caused jealousy and problems on my part , If im going to play with someone then that is all it needs to be .. I go ..I play ..I go home .. I dont need their life story etc , strange as being the female in the relationship we are protrayed as the more emotional ones , And also what some of us including myself might see on site as jealousy by a member of a couple ,might not be as straightforward as that , after all no one knows what goes on behind closed doors ,
As Human Beings I think we cannot but feel some elementsof connection with new people even in the realms of swing! I mean its only human nature and millions of years of evoloution that has us hardwired to form bonds of some type with people we meet.
Being very Honest to yourself, has anyone here NOT felt some pangs of jealousy at some stage while partaking in what we all are here to do? it can be in the most minute form, it can be in very obvious manifestations all in all its just a human emotion and we are all suppose to be human.
I edited this as I have drank a bit much Koppaberg..oops.
But anyway at the end of the day We all are here as we have maturity of mind to have some fun and then move on, some we may go back for a second helping if the first meet went well and both partys enjoyed it.
Maybe Manti this person had other reasons and you werent akin to accepting them? we all get turned down at times and sure its tough but we move on.
Happy swinging.
Nope this person told me it was jealousy, obviously I won't say who it was, the thing that confuses me is I was just not expecting that reaction from a member of a swinging site, safe sex I do it wasn't for STD reasons I am probably more anxious about STD's than most ppl and wouldn't put my health at risk.
anywho I don't dislike the person it happened next time I will know in advance what the persons motives are before i arrange any meets, what can I say I don't want romance or responsibilty from meets, u know the saying about talking the talk, but not walking the walk?
ah i wasnt getting of the subject of jealousy i was making a point that what ppl might think is jealousy sometimes isnt... like on my half ppl might think i m jealous when i m not as i wont meet ppl who have met certain ppl but thats cos of the things i said above... i do make up my mind about ppl myself but my health comes first and one thing about me i will be honest with ppl and tell them why i wudnt be interested in meeting so they know...
as for jealousy in a cpl ... i suppose i m one of the lucky ones me and my hubby dont have it.. well not on here any way... i d prob be more jealous with him chatting sumone up in a nightclub than on here cos the girl in a night club wud think it was more than a shag... as for on swing we dont do the jealousy thing no point...
and ye titan i agree some ppl are going to be jealous.. human nature n all that... as i said we are the lucky ones i dont see the point of being jealous on here but i am in a long term relationship n that .. but for some singles it might be hard if they end up liking someone more than they set out to...
bi i agree with u to emotional attachments are worse than physical attachments xx
manti i m sorry u have experienced jealousy on here but just try make it as clear as possible with ppl u chat to that sex and a good time are all u looking for ..
my point any way is that sometimes ppl mistake jealousy.. sometimes it aint jealousy at all .. but other reasons...
The very first guy I met in a "swinging" environment .. not on this site, btw, but something similar ...OMG did he go bunny boiler on me!!
He was someone I really connected on an intellectual level. Sex was good as in he was very good at what he did and with the aforementioned intellectual connection things were good, but he was someone I was not very attracted to (I know, I know,but I was naive and inexperienced back then!! haha :violin: )
After meeting a couple of times he wanted "exclusivitiy". I really liked him so I said I would think about it :crazy: but then I realised that I was not on here for a relationship (I already have one!) but to have fun and meet people.. so we had a talk about it and he went really bunny boiler on it ... he called me all sorts of names, criticised my lifestyle... the works. We kept out of touch for a few months and then he mailed back asking if we could meet again. You can imagine where I told him he could bugger off ... :wank:
And following Titan's post - I hold my hands up and I do admit that I have felt pangs of jealousy whenever someone I have met and really liked is seeing another person. I have felt them, but I cannot and will not act on them ... nothing I can do about it. :sparring: :sparring: or is there? hahahahahaa just joking. :thrilled:
Can you tell I am loving the smilies? :thrilled:
hehe Latina....I will lend you the dark glasses and mac you asked for (cant think what you want them for??) stalk away to your hearts content sweetie...a lot of guys be very lucky to have you stalk them :evil2:
Ok here is my take on this whole jealousy issue. Having been a swinger for 4 years now, I’ve seen ppl get jealous and it can be nasty and destructive, depending on the persons personality, and how much they react to what they perceive they are jealous over, swinging has no place for it, because if you’re the jealous type and living this life style you will become one very unhappy bunny boiler. On a personal level its rare I meet someone on a one to one basis, for me there has to be a lot of chemistry and interaction, hence what little chance I do get to go out, I tend to save for partys.
However having said that I do personally expect one thing from ppl I am willing to meet on a one to one basis, and that expectation is to continue chatting in the manner we were chatting prior to confirming a date to meet. Now I don’t care what or who the other person does, that would never be an issue, but I do care if I start to feel like the lay away on the side till the meet time comes around, ya know, ah got her in bag now no need for same attention anymore, and as I am clear to everyone I chat to that I don’t do leg overs, that makes me feel uncomfortable, and used, and not in a good way. Once that happens I have no qualms cancelling a meet as the whole dynamic of why I was willing to meet in the first place has changed.
Everyone posting have different points and all valid, I guess it all comes down to ones perception and what you set as standards or boundaries. I know I have mine it works for me, have never deviated from them and have never had one bad meet because I stick to what I feel is right for me, so question is when my demand is not met, am I being jealous or just not willing to compromise on my standards, I feel it’s the latter, others may feel differently .
sherri "Everyone posting have different points and all valid, I guess it all comes down to ones perception and what you set as standards or boundaries."
ur dead right sherri every one has there own boundaries and perception to what goes on in here and like you i wudnt just do leg overs either...
as i said before swinging for me is quality with nice fun norm down to earth ppl ( i love nothing more than than being able to sit down n have a laugh with someone, i enjoy the banter etc... that makes me so more comfortable to enjoy my experience with ppl we meet) swinging for us is NOT a competition to see how many men or women we can meet....
also some ppl think ppl are jealous of them just cos they dont like them... so alot of things on this site can be taken as jealousy when in fact it has nothing what so ever to do with jealousy...
but i m not naive either i do know jealousy does exist among some ppl but not all....
ppl need to allow that u will meet ppl who arent as emotionally strong as others and form attachments... ppl who think they can handle being with ppl who are with other ppl etc....
as long as every one is up front and str8 and honest with ppl as to what they are looking for... and if they see any weird signs the person is becoming obbsessive or jealous and u arent happy about it .. say it out str8 and if all cant be sorted move on if its not for u ...
well said hornydub, as much as we can all be happy campers does not automatically mean that we gonna like everyone in here,and just because we dont like them does not mean we are jealous of them. This is just like any other community, we get all walks of life pass through here doesnt say we have to like everyone we come in contact with.I will not associate with certain ppl in the real world and in here is no dif, but that for sure doesnt make me jealous of them,feck I have even left sites rather then be associated with ppl whos lifestyle and mannerisms I found to be abhorrent. But some ppl can be deceptive and not in a deliberate way, and sometimes we dont see it, or see it at a later stage, and as I said I have no qualms cancelling a meet and explaining why Im doing it if I feel the situation has changed and moved.
Why Sherri,
That's almost exactly what this jealouy person said to me, after she had time to think it up
you see this one admitted it was jealousy and wanted me to talk to her and nobody else, even went so far as
to insist I told other fems on the site that I was hers and they where to keep away, I actually did stop talking to her
or eased up on the chat because I didn't want to just dump her now I know I should of said straight out you are mad
woman and cut ties with her but i didn't, guess I still wanted to give her one, and she did have a fine set of twotwo's,
so I was willin to go with the flow and see what happened, but the days of the flattery she so badly wanted others to hear
me lavish on her and kinky letters had stopped she wasn't worth that bother to be honest, plenty more fish in the sea for a
hunk with a big hook like myself to catch.
Fisherman manti.
Great thread! Sorry to hear Manti, i can understand if anto was jealous because we have agreed to be exclusive to one another but before i met anto i met few guys, two of them in particular got very jealous and very bunny boiler on me.... looking at my phone and asking me why i was on the site when I was already meeting them...quite strange...
Well manti all I can say is, if the woman truthfully did insist that you tell other women on the site hands off you were hers, then she must have a screw loose, I mean, who in their right mind would ask such a thing of you!! But I can see from your post by still wanting to give her one you kept up some kind of pretence, deceit has a way of coming back to bit you on the bum you know, you were right you should have cut ties instead of leading her up the garden path, maybe she copped it and rather then being jealous she was annoyed. I can see some ppl get confused when emotions run high, but my advise is move on and move up, after all I’m sure a hunk of a fisherman like yourself has far bigger fish to fry...damn no fisherman smilies guess this one will do :therethere:
Glad it worked out in the end Manti best for both parties. As hard sometimes as the truth is to hear you are better off being honest with people from the start if possible. Its great if you meet someone and connect with them in a way that you want to meet them again and both parties are happy with that and i am sure a lot of people will agree the sex gets better the more you understand people and feel comfortable with them. Its when the whole 'i want you exclusive to me' thing kicks in that sometimes ruins things if one party is not agreeable to this. Alls well that ends well Manti...as they say chalk it down to experience and move on.
Exactly Sherri she did have a screw loose, don't know how it would be possible to lead someone up the garden path if all we was doing was meeting for sex, believe it or not she did want me to say hands off, like u said screw loose, ah well I won't worry about it she was nothing to write home about.
;-)
I wish there was no Jealousy on swing4 and indeed in the world along with no sick children, perfect animals, no wars and a world of women with low or no morals....... The End
Bless! you got lost going to the Mr Universe competition again :giggle:
Quote by user=ding I wish there was no Jealousy on swing4 and indeed in the world along with no sick children, perfect animals, no wars and a world of women with low or no morals....... The End
All those jealousy traits encountered by members here, those apply to all walks of life, not just this website. There are jealous, insecure people, and there are happy, balanced people. I am sure we will meet both types here, as anywhere.
I suppose the important thing is to be up front from the beginning, let people know where they stand from day one, although I suppose it can be hard to really understand a person and their motivations until later, as you get to know them.
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:wank:
And following Titan's post - I hold my hands up and I do admit that I have felt pangs of jealousy whenever someone I have met and really liked is seeing another person. I have felt them, but I cannot and will not act on them ... nothing I can do about it. :sparring: :sparring: or is there? hahahahahaa just joking. :thrilled:
Can you tell I am loving the smilies? :thrilled:
