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FUNNY MESSAGES THREAD

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Oh Stop! Dora - Don't tempt me - my 'Randomer's File' is too big to copy into here!!!!
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Not the Lunch Hour Banger!! Again!! FFS
Will they never learn to buy a feckin' VibroRing and be done with it!!
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Okayyyyyyyyy - so I re-read my 'Randomer's File' and couldn't leave this one to gather dust.
Having been rejected, this 50 yr old tried an angle that's becoming less rare these days - Does my profile really look like I've the Black Book of S4I at my disposal???

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hi,ok thats a pity,have you any contacts or friends or web sies you can give me,thanks
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Then again - sometimes instead of nothing to say for themselves, there's folks who just don't know when to stop asking inappropriate questions in a first contact mail:
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Myself and my long term gf are new to scene and would like to try new things, I hope you'd be up for considering this. First of all I want to get some additional information about yourself. Have you ever participated in a threesome in the past? Approximately how many guys have you slept with in the past? Have you been recently tested for STDs?
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Sex God
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Funniest thread ever lol, Ladies can you keep the details to a minimum, this can be a bit of fun once locations or profile details of the message senders are not mentioned. Its not going to be a name and shame thing.
Sex God
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Quote by user=dora
no Titan. its merely an account of wow how imtelligent men in ireland are at the minute...they are so ?????

Yeah Dora but it may put newcomers off the site, if they saw that private mails were being posted in the public forumdunno
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It would also be an education for the folks who haven't a clue about what kind of behaviour is acceptable. Double-edged sword?? maybe.
Sex God
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hi wud u fuk a hot guy well heres ur chance.....im well fit....too hot for here really but i thought id let the ladies of ireland see what a real stud looks and preforms like...rolleyes jesus im honoured to receive that.....:giggle: .
Sex God
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I got this this evening "you a chick with dick" like Dora"s message no hi or hello and that was the first message from this person .
Sex God
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have u a phone no im very horney hope u can mail back ......... loon some peoples never learn!!!! rotflmao and again from the same person:::: are u a wast off time u and ur tits .... and not only was this sent once the very same message sent the second time!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sex God
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RE: How Wicked R U Fancy sucking some hot cock, I'm sitting in work, bored but horny as fuck, I've just had lunch but sure could eat a nice pussy for desert, I'd love to be getting my dick sucked right now while I finger a hot wet pussy, I'd love to see your private pictures too..mail me for a chat anytime...I'm always hard. That line never gets old how wicked r u lol Not sure if I should reply that shy guys don't do it for me hahahahaha lorrrrrrrd:giggle: had to put this one in too - u gotta laugh lol RE: hi do fancy a large hard cock in your mouth ? What its a fair question ha ha
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Feck Dora, look what you started :haha:
We'll be having the whole world's wankers in here before long!!
Sexlightened
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Quote by user=wicked-1
RE: How Wicked R U
Fancy sucking some hot cock, I'm sitting in work, bored but horny as fuck, I've just had lunch but sure could eat a nice pussy for desert, I'd love to be getting my dick sucked right now while I finger a hot wet pussy, I'd love to see your private pictures too..mail me for a chat anytime...I'm always hard.

I love how the request to see your pics comes AFTER the request for a blowjob! Interesting priorities.
Master of Sex
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Just got this one....Really makes me want to meet him and single guys wonder why they get nowhere :-?banghead:banghead: hey hey im on the border of tipp and limerick and just wondrin would ye be interested in a fuck???wherebouts in limerick ye frm? Nothing else in the message:clap::clap::clap:
Orgasminator
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aska, i reckon this is what happens when they "dumb down" the English in the Leaving Cert Exams. The art of prose is forever gone sad Aye, "it's with O'Leary in the grave", to quote a lad i knew once.
Sex God
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well Not sure if they sent this to wrong person or what but got this one this morning. 'Hi there My gf away for the weekend you fancy me wearing her clothes and being ur bitch' er Hello, do I know you? Never even heard the profile before. He would have looked ridiculous anyway far too hairy lol.
Forum Virgin
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quote "hi,,,can we fuck?..u free tonite?..im good lookin,,,good body,,,can send pic,,,,u wanna email me on "...."maybe we can be fucking by tonite,...xxx " this was the first msg i got frm this person told him i wasnt into pusy guys..and got this back.. quote "im not pushy,,,i just wanna fuck. I mean this is swing site remember" Is he for real or what..
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Can anyone help me compose a reply to this guy?? 1. Do you believe in aliens and why? 2. If the egg came first where did it come from? 3. When and where would you go if you could travel back in time for 1 hour only - excluding financial gains -? 4. Would you consider that the chicken was right to cross the road. 5. Hope you don't mind me asking strange questions. Hope to hear from you soon. ..................................... (Yeah Right)
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Quote by user=Clara78
Can anyone help me compose a reply to this guy??
1. Do you believe in aliens and why?
2. If the egg came first where did it come from?
3. When and where would you go if you could travel back in time for 1 hour only - excluding financial gains -?
4. Would you consider that the chicken was right to cross the road.
5. Hope you don't mind me asking strange questions.
Hope to hear from you soon.
.....................................
(Yeah Right)


This is how I answered him:
1] Yes, aliens do exist - how do you account for all the dorks, geeks, twonks and other unworldy lifeforms that frequent the chatrooms, inboxes and The Late Late Show???
2] Did you not read the memo?? The Egg came first because it was female - Mother Nature created it!
3] One hour only??? Toughie this one.. .. ..
It would have to be the hour when my Great Granny was conceiving my Grandad - so I could prove that an Irishman was his Daddy!
4] The Chicken was not only right to cross the road - but had every right to cross the road too - why do you think we fought off the Commies and Nazis?? Freedommmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!
5] Strange questions are my specialist subject - bring it onnnnnnnnnn!!!!
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That was a great reply to him, Marie... Thanks for the tips... Clara
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Shall I send you - in advance of your next questionnaire - the answers I sent him for the next two e-mails??
:haha:
Sex God
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Quote by user=marieandu4121
Shall I send you - in advance of your next questionnaire - the answers I sent him for the next two e-mails??
I wonder if he keeps a spreadsheet where he scores all the answers.
:haha:
Sex God
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just got this hey hows you hun!! find anyone that interests you on the site?? any chance i could view your photos??
Sex God
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if you squirt i'll meet you tomorrow... X holy jaysus like!!!!!!!!! :kick:banghead
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Well I'm free when do you want to fuck me,lol...you are very welcome to give my cock a good suck, and if youve got big tits that will turn me on all the more! or this one... luv u on my face my tongue up ur hot juicy pussy or this from the same person .. luv u on my face my tongue up ur hot juicy cunt n squezn ur tits :fury:loonevil:scared::kick:
Sex God
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poke
Quote by user=shavenhaven
Well I'm free when do you want to fuck me,lol...you are very welcome to give my cock a good suck, and if youve got big tits that will turn me on all the more!
or this one...
luv u on my face my tongue up ur hot juicy pussy
or this from the same person ..
luv u on my face my tongue up ur hot juicy cunt n squezn ur tits
:fury:loonevil:scared::kick:

Quick Mail him back shaven, sounds like a keeper
Sex God
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Quote by user=shavenhaven
Well I'm free when do you want to fuck me,lol...you are very welcome to give my cock a good suck, and if youve got big tits that will turn me on all the more!
or this one...
luv u on my face my tongue up ur hot juicy pussy
or this from the same person ..
luv u on my face my tongue up ur hot juicy cunt n squezn ur tits
:fury:loonevil:scared::kick:

You mean none of those work!! biggrin
Sex God
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Ah now come on girls they are not all bad...... 1st January..Hi Addies did you get the Roses I sent you?:love: Me. Yes.. 2nd of January. Hi Addies did you find the 500 lit candles I left in our drive?:love: Me. Yes, thanks, will come in handy next time the lecky is cut off.. 3rd January..Hi Addies did you take delivery of the Porsche, hope it is your colour, I noticed form forums that Red does seem to be your colour, so it wasn't too difficult finding one..:love: Me.. Yes thank you and nice that you included the previous owners, handbag, and shopping in the boot.. Sadly after that he stopped mailing.....