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Creative Writing
Master of Sex
clyde new nothing of the boys in the life raft he was too busy at the bow of the ship with bewbee he held her torso while she sang the song on the titanic ship film ( cant remember the name of the film) with that bewbee shouts ice berg feck clyde roots for his glass,s to see the feckin ice berg ooooooooo emmmm ice berg clyde runs to the vending machine puts in his euros and get 2 ice bergs bewbee loves HB ice they eat thrie ice bergs as they walk back to thrie cabin but clyde cant wait he grabs bewbee for a snog beside the davit hits off the lever feck the davit starts to move and the life boat starts to lower in to the ocean and lance were to busy with each other to notice the boat lowering. the lever is stuck and clyde cant get to the reverce position the boat still lowering with that 1 of the wires on the davit snaps and the boat come crashing down on the water with that thier was a scream form the life boat ya fooker that........
Master of Sex
feck the life boats clyde runs for newbee with boobs like that she will never sink padds thinks the same and grabs bonns. he not takin chances bonns boobs bigger but bonns already has a guy hanging on to her..........
his credentials ... he had left them in for a wash and blow dry...he would be lost without them...feck Clyde for his love of ice ... did he have to have cream on the rocks ... whose idea was the veno boat trip anyway ... luckily they were in sight of fantasy island ... if they could get there thay would be ....
Home at last .... home sweet home... we can be like "little house on the praire" or even the "waltons" and remember do sing an Irish song ... but Padds suspected it would be more like "Lord of the Flies" or "Animal Farm"... how could he escape or manage to get himself as the Leader, Il Duce, the Don ... would Clyde be his sidekick, would bewbie be his moll ...
bewbie immediately began plaiting her hair into cornrows a la Bo Derek in 10, as is a prerequisite on desert islands. She hoped there was a 24hr tesco on the island as her faith in any of the mens ability as hunter gatherers was limited. Thank god clyde had his mobile on him, it meant they would at least be able to order a chinese to be delivered while they waited to be rescued. Now, where was the drinks trolly she had managed to salvage from the wreckage...
Master of Sex
newbee shouts padds dont shoot the bird by the way padds asks clyde where did ya get the gun padds says in the tesco,s van same place newbee got her hair colour. but in the distance we all could hear a rumble of a plane was it a plane we wondered padds shouts there over there we all looked and it was it was airforce1 as it got closer we could see something hinging from a rope it was shiny yes it was its titan with his hero badge on his chest he reached out his long strong arm and with that he had newbee in his arms leaving the rest of us standing on the beach with our mouths wide open clyde shouts padds give me that feckin gun im going to.............
Wait cried Bewbie, don't kill the pigeon, thats not how it goes, he always gets away, we can't mess with the format. If you hungry why not shoot Tattoo instead, lets face it, he deserves it and no one will miss the little twat. We can easily find someone else to take his place to point and lisp at passing planes and there is more eating in him than the pigeon. There is some bbq sauce and pitta breads in the tesco van, we can have tattoo kebabs.
into the distance clyde noticed a tall ship aproaching the island , it was the the vessel known only as the the uss hairy bush , captian thomasbiglad was in comand , he and his crew had been traveling the vast ocean insearch of the the clipper ship the ss close shave , captian biglad piered through his telescope at clyde chasing the pigeon tat had landed on the island ,"come men we shall land on this spit of land and grace these desert island marouners , and see what needs to be done !
Master of Sex
padds shouts to captain thomas big lad DO U HAVE ANY SPARE CONDOMS WE CANT KEEP WASHING THESE 1,S. with that captain thomas like captain fish fingers throws down to the peeps here have 50 on me ive lots. padds schots woooohoooooooo bomber in behind the rocks in screams thomas have ya any hair colour please dark brown number 6 thomas shouts down to newbee feck off what u think this ship is a tesco ship shop newbee says under her breath you......
actually think I need to use hair colour Padds, tut tut, no clubcard points for you! Although she couldn't help but think that the way things were going the grey hair wasn't too far in her future... She was glad thomasbiglad had seen her post about cheap condoms at least, the 50 he gave them were not going to last long!
Ehhhhhh..... I never mentioned Hair colour, If I did it would be for me, I am greying and balding, going blind, no teeth.... need I continue..........
Quote by user=newbie9
actually think I need to use hair colour Padds, tut tut, no clubcard points for you! Although she couldn't help but think that the way things were going the grey hair wasn't too far in her future... She was glad thomasbiglad had seen her post about cheap condoms at least, the 50 he gave them were not going to last long!
captian thomas came ashore to fine newbie and padds fighting over the one hair colour left in the tesco van , mean while clyde had caught the pigeon and was starting to caress the pigeons chest thinking of a better time , the condoms the captian had supplied came in handy for alan ball as he was now making baloon animals out of them and selling them to passing tourists , "" alan screamed newbie what the feck are you doing we need them for later !!"" captian thomas told newbie , " dont worrie hunni i have plenty on board ! and these one i have are lased with vigera !! sudenly clydes ears pricked up , vigera ?? hmm i could give that to padds and have a laugh !!!! but then realised he was holding a pigeon and stroking its chest like it was a beautiful woman !!! what were peeps to think !!!
Master of Sex
clyde is now sitting on a big rock no not a cock a rock cos him been the smarter 1 of em all thinks how the fook alan ball is selling animal baloon condoms to tourests when we anr marooned on a feckin island thats clydes problem he thinks too mush bout these things. with that clyde takes out his remote controll and shoots bb pellets at padds cos he is bent over bomber and with a ring like that it makes a fine target. airforce1 has a remote controll plane and dive bombs clydes tank a fight errupts and the peace on the island is lost padds sides with bomber and lance clyde has bonns and bewbee on his side the condoms are filled with water and the fun begins captain thomas gets pop corn out of the van and sits on a rock to direct the.......
the battle , only to be turned apon by newbie and padds ! to hell with this ! crys the captian im outa here! meanwhile alan ball strolls past the battle talking to a sea shell ,clyde then gets his answer, alanball has lost it ! there was no tourists ! alan had been talking and making baloon pupetts for sea shells he had gathered a load together {sea shells} and was bartering to them like delboy in a market ! clyde wondered for a while ,{he does that alot } before he was splattered on the head with a water conbomb ! ha ha yells padds got ya !newbie returned fire hitting padds all over ! ha we win crys newbie , meanwhile on the ship captian thomasbiglad was plotting his revenge on padds and newbile , a cunning smile came across his rugged face with a twinkle in his eyes he turned towardds the island and says i will have my revenge ! the crew cower in fear as they only know this means ...............
