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Creative Writing
Sex God
.....( In camp over the top voice' ...Youve won a weekend in The Isle of man, the cats with no Tails, tax evasion, you have all this to look forward and more.....on you'r Blind shag date'. Just then cilla removed her false teeth and offered a BJ to the first cock that made a better offer.
Master of Sex
padds and clyde was playing with the knicker elastic stretching it to its last padds with his sticky fingers had a god grip on it but clyde who just had fish and chips from macarri.s let the knicker elastic go and it went like a shot accross the room hitting titan in the eye titan shouts fook thank god its not me workin eye that would have been............
a Disaster of orgasmic preportions, but i think the fact that the chips where from marcari`s softened the blow and his stiffy, cause if padds had made the chips they would have been a soddy mess not to mention the peas, anyway the doc is on the way to see that no serious injury was caused by flying elastic. but as he inspected the damage he was agast to see................................
Master of Sex
to grab the bonns lets have some fun lets play a trick on clyde what was the padds up too whats he going to do............................
get cookery lessons and make the clyde a meal, hoping that he would tell everybody, it was at this time that as padds had his head in the fridge he discovered that the cat had drank all the milk and thoughts of gold top raised its ugly head again in this story, speaking of ugly heads, padds had decided to cook his special dish............
pass the parcel..or are they the new virtual life jackets...but luckily Padds & Clyde took time out from their cooking to discover ... The Unsinkable Molly Brown was a passenger ... meanwhile up on deck Bewbie was living her Titanic movie fantasy...Jack as usual was away with Kate & that bloddy song was playing on the tannoy ... where is the iceberg when you need one...just then a steward from Swing4 ferries arrived and offered her... some extra strong knicker elastic ... maybe she could make a slingshot & get of the boat before it reached its final destination ... Titan's Island ... land of the one eyed giants with big.........
Master of Sex
indeed titans island was the only place on earth the Clyde could keep it hard. even bewbees hard nipples took on a new meaning there suzie was so jealous of them she been the wicket queen of nipplelandia an thought to her self if she got rid of bewbee padds clyde and bomber would only have eyes for her. she made 1 mistake never did she know that watching her was titan hiding on a ledge just above her titan shouted suzie thats a kicking offence he puts on his size 13 hob nail boot to .....................
The boat rocked,,, was it getting cold? it was, the white bags where place on everyones feet, secured by the extra large amount of surplus knicker elastic that had been brought on board,,,,,
But where was :
It was ok, he had just returned from the bar, with Hot Whiskeys for all and had the Head Chef with him! The Head Chef asked Padds " Who said that?" Padds pointed to Bomber121... The Chef in a rage hurtles towards Bomber,,,,,, (checking for excess stray shaving foam and knicker elastic),,,, shouting " I taught, Padds everything he knows... at his Poker Night he cooked, at yours you made Padds drive and collect the food!" Bomber121 stands up... I did,,, I did,,, and replies,,, "thats cause the fooker wanted to play in his new boy racer car!"
Clyde passes out in a fit of laughter Then Pipes up " The Fooker couldnt even park it at the Hotel last weekend" Bonns Slaps Clyde,,, "bold corner now"..... Clyde joins Padds in the bold corner ( Padds never out of it!!!!!) they light a ciggy and plot, plot revenge...... but what revenge?
But where was :
It was ok, he had just returned from the bar, with Hot Whiskeys for all and had the Head Chef with him! The Head Chef asked Padds " Who said that?" Padds pointed to Bomber121... The Chef in a rage hurtles towards Bomber,,,,,, (checking for excess stray shaving foam and knicker elastic),,,, shouting " I taught, Padds everything he knows... at his Poker Night he cooked, at yours you made Padds drive and collect the food!" Bomber121 stands up... I did,,, I did,,, and replies,,, "thats cause the fooker wanted to play in his new boy racer car!"
Clyde passes out in a fit of laughter Then Pipes up " The Fooker couldnt even park it at the Hotel last weekend" Bonns Slaps Clyde,,, "bold corner now"..... Clyde joins Padds in the bold corner ( Padds never out of it!!!!!) they light a ciggy and plot, plot revenge...... but what revenge?
to the very begining of this story... in never never land, in a land far far away, in a time long long ago, where the force was with you and the darklord of moderation was still a moderate soul,... for he had not gone to the dark side and his star was still shiny... where all the women we nubile and Bi and all the guys had 6packs and big slongs...but the over lord was watching...he saw too much fun was being had...the people were to happy and there was no need for knicker elastic...they reveled in their naked hornyness... no work was being done and the people cared not a jot for worldly goods...no rules were being broken...what sort of hell was Titans Frozen gonad island...the ocer load was unhappy, rules were made to be broken, he would have to sort the happy swingers out...who could he choose to do his bidding... a name came to mind but it was to dasterdly even for the overlord..........
Alan,,, shurrup!!!!!! but me loves ya........ lmfao x
Still on the ferry, still being tortured,,,,, Padds announces, whilst in France, Lets visit the FROG aka FRENCHLUCK, or perhaps DAVID1234? They must know a good VINO,,, Clydes' ears pricks up (makes a change from his C??K, is that ever flacid)...... Padds announces,, I know a good Bistro......... and I aint cooking,,,, with that,, Bomber shouts
Quick shaz lets get out of her, that hungry fooker wants us to pay for the meal he invited us too Shaz ran quickly to quickly
she fell head over heels,:bolt: not into the man of her dreams , but into the van of her screams her stockings all torn and one heel missing from her shoe. the tesco:violin: driver heard the thud and wondered was it a cat she had run over, but he was so engrossed in the song on the van radio as he :karaoke: along to: My Sherona .............never give it up........:taz:. on he drove like a bat out of:devil: to the next delivery knowing he had to make up the lost time while have to make a brad pitt stop. on arrival he opened the back of the van, and guess what he saw........................
she fell head over heels,:bolt: not into the man of her dreams , but into the van of her screams her stockings all torn and one heel missing from her shoe. the tesco:violin: driver heard the thud and wondered was it a cat she had run over, but he was so engrossed in the song on the van radio as he :karaoke: along to: My Sherona .............never give it up........:taz:. on he drove like a bat out of:devil: to the next delivery knowing he had to make up the lost time while have to make a brad pitt stop. on arrival he opened the back of the van, and guess what he saw........................ he was, in fact, huddled under the duvet with his torch and a much dog-eared copy of Stephen Hawking's Brief History of Time. He was chuckling to himself as he crossed out Stevo's logical errors with a big red marker."Wrong...!.....Wrong!....." Padds muttered with a slightly worrying giggle. Had he finally cracked under the pressure?
