As the beautiful vixen approached him, he shook in fear. Did she know what he had been doing with padds, the gardener and the milkman? She was gorgous in her little camisole, her hard nipples poking through the silk she was wearing, her hypnotic gaze peircing though him. As she approached with the cut-throat razor he was gratteful that he had remembered to replace her milk tray beofre she had noticed they were gone. She set about carefully shaving a fetching paisley pattern in his body hair...
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Creative Writing
"The Excorsist" formally known as The The Excorcist! refrained from removing same, he hid under the Mask, waiting, waiting for the opportunity to reveal his shaven bits, Was it Fr De'Arseee or the Bishop?
Milkman, The Gardiner who had not long delivered? Dora's elastic was wrapped around Padds legs, so they where both off the scene (grin) playing Cricket... But wait..... The Door opens with a huge bang,,,, Its Alan-Ball! he enters the room a blue light flashing behind him,,,, he stops,,, Boys, turn your "Nenagh, Nenagh off" this is a job for the men,,, they put away their hoses and retreat. Meands strolls in, Morning,,, Gaz jumps at the chance,,, " Morning" that was Three days ago,,,,,,,, Meanwhile, Poor Clydee arms spread awaiting this annual shave,,, but wait,,, his phone vibrates,,,,, he got texts,,,,but from who,,, not his mates but a female,,, Bonns shaves the razor closer... and ponders,,, who could br texting Clydee,,,, my roideeee? .......
... as she soaped the bits... n stropped the now nearly blunt cut throath razor...he mind turned to the early morning fluzzies Clyde was inclned to offer breakfast too ... he was always offering a sausage ... sometimes even a full breakfast roll...Clyde sat quivering in the chair, normally the annual shave was more relaxed than this & had he booked the truck to remove all the hair that would be knitted into willy warmwers for those less fortunate than him, for he did have his Bonny to keep him warm ... but there was a look in her eye, the like of which he had not seen before.......
She announced!!!!!! "Off with his hair" she loved to see him being shaved, but by whom? she glanced across the room, vetted the onlookers, Padds a mate so not him, Meands said good evening!!! Gaz was busy chasing sexyleggs, Alan in the interim was busy in in the forums, then it all came back to her!!! She heard a truck pulling up.. or so she thought she rushed to the door, it was the bonny's bus! Her mind ran riot,,,, OMG all our favourite people have come to watch the annual shaving! then she heard a noise,, a Truck pulled up for real.... robbed Clyde's glasses and announced,,, it was him,,, the guy that never gets dressed,,, but who was the mystery guy?........
Bonns, dropped the razor,, she yells “ OMG, the lovely Shaggs†all heads turn,, Dora drops the cricket bat , “here Padds,,, play with yourself,,, I need too claim my Tesco Clubcard points!†Dora flees the pitch,,, knicker elastic dragging behind her.
She is running,,, pleading for Shaggs to wait,,, she trips and falls face down into Alan’s Balls a bit startled she picks herself up,,, hmmmm Alan,,, nice,,, and casually she passes her number, text me.
Shaggs is busy unloading the Jelly and provisions, and she announces “ Right who ordered this stuff and who is paying?†Fr De’Arsee looks on what stuff,,, Shaggs replies “ The Jelly†Fr De’Arsee replies, “ Ah the KY, that’s for the Bishopâ€
Bonns is in turmoil,,, her mind running rampant,,, Shaggs is soo close to me, Oh I want a Shaggs,,, especially one that delivers.
Menads,,, stands in the corner,,, “ Afternoon†oblivious as to what is going on… Gaz like always is chasing Sexyleggs,,
Clyde, is still waiting, here all this commotion what is really happening,,, the parade has long passed,,,
Dora and Bonns are at the Tesco Van,,, Dora wanting to claim Clubcard points,,, Bonns,,, looking to see if Shaggs has any special deals,,, ( of the bogoff variety- ok… buy one get one free- pervs)
A cloud forms over the entire House, we all stop and look up, relax it aint ADMIN….. suddenly there is a strong and powerful voice that pierce ‘s (pmsl,,, shags,,, I am good) our ears. Is it a bird a plane,,, Nah it’s Bomber121!!!! On his return,,, Bomber skids on the grass an announces………
Master of Sex
what the feck bomber121 has landed and airforce1 is on the approach every 1 scatters for cover the milkman and the gardiner end up in the same trench the pregnent man runs with padds for the ladys loo. it goes quite no 1 knowing what will happen next with that bombers bomb doors open padds cant b helped now he is crying like a baby the fireman puts a hose to padds eyes cos the hydrent is broke what will happen its all quite from bombers bomb doors with that a little ladder fall from the doors and the most beautiful pair of legs start to come down from the open doors who is it they all wonder could it be no it can be yes yes padds shouts its...........
Sex God
Goldenknicks carrying a Manequin, which she decided to stick out the plane hatch legs first, shoving and heaving she finally got them out ( the legs that is) strolling towards padds with Manequin under her arm and a smile on her face she asked that question, to surpass all questions.....
Master of Sex
to ask cilla are we goig to play blind date. cilla says no not with u clyde padds mr m and gazsly are on the panal and up against newbee clyde sucks his tumb and sulks for a bit then he desides that he can live with that cos the weekend is 2 nights in padds nest in is chuffed that sheis up against 3 fine hunks,but unknown to padds newbee has him on her mind 24/7 cos he woes money to her thatshe lent him to get his shoping in tesco,s so he could get the clubpoints. she wanted revenge a plan in her mind she set bout the evil plot to.......
Padds,pondered, he thought hmmm Lets, have a party,,, we can rob Shaggs Van plenty of provisions there, the Celebs are here, Bonns,Clyde,Gaz,GK,Menads, Newbie(hmmmmmm), Dora, Titan, Shaggs, and Bomber and Pierce, airforce1 was in the showers... Padds was tempted to rush and see if he had soap but remembered, shite I put some in there yesterday!
Padds phone goes " did de dey de did a dey de....." Text from Alan-Ball..... " Hi Pidds, on the beach here,, the birds are all sitting watching me" I am sending you a pic message.
Message arrives, Padds(now known to some as Pidds grrrrrr) Oh yeah I see them birds,,,,, great pic,,, but in future dont feed the Seagulls!
Sorry. was distracted.... ( . )( . )'s on the phone.... (hmmmmm,,, those eyes)
Right, Party in full swing Cilla strips to Micheal Jackson,,,, " I'm just a Thriller, Cilla!"
What's this... Padds phone goes mental.... he reads the text... grabs bonns chest and says OMG,,, she is coming,,,, my beautiful ??? who left the site, is coming to the party,,, wohooo... but who was ???...... answer in the question lol, rushes off to get Menads a drink..... then
Did it even matter what it was? There was an 85% discount, whether or not she knew what it was, or if she had any need for it went out the window, she was a red blooded women cursed with the inability to pass such bargain. Her pulse raced, it was the last one on the shelf, it was hugely discounted, and now it was hers!!!!
The only double A's she ever had where the ones she gained in her exams 4 A's and 2 B's (swot!)
Rgb, however was correct it was huge, very huge and purchased at such a knock down price, a real bargain.
Newbie, Bonns, Dora where all excited they wanted to try it first but Shaggs said 'No, I am first' we all stood on watching, waiting . . . . .
Master of Sex
bonns jumumped in and helped shaggs and clyde was lying in waiting watching and waiting with his big screw driver padds says i will help he had an even bigger screwdriver but bonns and shaggs they did not need any help so the lads looked on and there mouths wide open they never seen anything like the .................
Bonns and Shaggs where in the middle of fondling and playing with two lumps each whilst everyone looked on.
This frenzied game certainly excited the Boys, with a lot of fumbling and strange noises billowing from the gang of them. there was sudden silence, the Door flung open, "Suprise Suprise!" Oh no they all thought that fooking Cilla Black is back........
