Communicator check one two one two
This is Alan Ball on a line to Newbie...Set the bullshit to warp factor one...Check your tri-corder set your phaser to stun
...mind the 99 ballonns on the statboard bow...
Everyone's a superhero...Everyone's a Captain Clyde T Kirk...With orders to identify....hotties....To clarify and classify.
Swing4Ireland.... The Final Cliché.
These are voyages of the sex ship Enterprise.
Its continuing mission: to explore strange new holodecks,
To seek out Bonns sanity and Paddss common sense,
And to break the prime directive in ways it's never been broken before...
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Creative Writing
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Clyde T Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Boldly going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.
Lt. Newbie, report.
There's Keaneo Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Clyde.
Analysis, Mr. Balls.
It's life, Clyde, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it; it's life, Clyde, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Clyde.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Boldly going forward, still can't find reverse.
Medical update, Dr. Padds.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Clyde, dead, Clyde, dead, Clyde;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Clyde, dead, Clyde, dead.
I am Starship Captain, Clyde T. Kirk:
Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.
Engine room, Mr. Bomber:
Ye cannae change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
ye cannae change the laws of physics, laws of physics, Clyde.
Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill; Bomber, beam me up!
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow Jim!
It's worse than that, it's sex, Clyde.
Bridge to engine room, sex-warped factor 9.
Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!
Red Alert Red Alert
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Boldly going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Boldly going forward, still can't find reverse.
(apologies to WEIRD AL YANKOVIC STAR TREKKING ACROSS THE UNIVERSE LYRICS...but thanks for the lyrics)
Master of Sex
thats the spirit spock come on lads lets get with it. feck i dont know what to type not how can ya beat alans last entry ffs. he must have stayed up all night typing that 1. think we will just go to chaptor 2 THE RESCUE OF THE COCKALONS
As Alan Spock Ball was escorted to the ships pyschiatric ward, for a little rest. He had been more jovial of late, but the atmospeheric conditions of the planet they were approaching, was having a strange effect on him. Other members were also effected in other ways, even out captain clyde was lost for words. As they got closer to the stricken planet, many of the crew described a variety of symptoms. Deanna was not effected by the strange phenomenon and so it was up to her to take chargeputer, on screen...the view that appeared before her was an awesome sight. The capital city of planet sw4i was always an impressive site for visitors. With the large phallus shaped scuplutre taking up most of the main street, lit up in the drakness like a beacon of hope. But where was everyone? With extreme difficulty she managed to land the ship, with only a giggling scotty to help her. What was happening to the crew, and what was happening on sw41, and what was happening to the crew. She believed the problems on this planet was directly effecting the crew, she would have to get to the bottom of it.
....it appears the problem may be related to the voices... strange whispers being heard in the chatdeck ... while the crew is communication with other species ...(and always observing the prime directive... eat, drink, be merry for tomorrow we might want to do it all again)...strange alien whispers are heard ... although camaflauged as likeminded species the voices are infact from, devious types, wanting to unsettle the happy convivial nature of all on board S41...remember crew block the voices...don't listen to the voices...go to your happy place
Perhaps there was some truth in Spocks insane warblings...voices, whispers, hmmm, the plot thickened. As an empath Deanna was used to hearing voices all the time, and subsequently ignoring them, so pewrhaps this is why she was not effected by the mystery illness that was effecting the crew so badly. Was there anyone on board who was coherent enough to help her? Perhaps she should hand out ear plugs?
As she stood at the doorway to the bridge, Deanna wondered if the crew would ever be the same again. She had distracted them by putting on some dvd's of Buck Rogers, which they were all watching itently behind her. She had hoped Padds had been immune to the condition, as he like her, had already heard voices for years, but his giggle belied the fact that he had already become infected.
Deanna was going to need help. Admin were busy trying to remove datas hand from the computer, and she would not be able to investigate the sw4i planet alone. It would take intense concentration but she might be able to use her skills as an empath to rouse enough of the crew to help her. She started with scottie, as she would need him to transport her. She whispered softly in his ear "Help me now and I'll ride you later", the effect was instant, Scottie came out of his trance, moaning, "what am I doing watching Buck Rogers ffs, I've seen this episode, there is work to be done!"
Aha, Daniel O'Donnell and his entourage of mammies have got wind of the Enterprise's impending arrival at Waterford airport and have rescheduled their trip to Knock having heard that a virgin birth has occurred on the Enterprise.
On the way down the mammies were busying themselves baking scones whilst Daniel rehearsed his latest repertoire of ground-breaking, soul-searching tunes, little realising that Deanna had, in fact, given birth to a Cockalonian!
Would this alien exposure fast forward their attitude of mind a full 2 centuries or would they clam up and cling to mind-numbing tradition as is their wont?
were anymore of the crew infected by the Phantom Cockalonian pregnancies...would the ship be over run by virtual the O'Donnell mammies block out the voices .... the crew were worried but felt help was at hand with the return of Padds ...Clyde was more relaxed ...he was nearly home and his full ARSEnal would be availabe to defeat the Klingon threat .... and Bonns could bake better scones than the O'Donnell mammies... she had her won special receipt for getting a rise.... ALan Ball having enjoyed his R&R in the holodeck felt suitably refreshed and all previous swine whisperer symphtoms seems to be all but gone ... he was back & firing on all cylinders .... space was not the final frontier...it was only the begining.......
Alan Ball felt really refreshed from his trip to the holodeck... But he did feel the crew were a bit down...the voices though gone had cast a spell... A Karokee nite in Alan's Ballroom might just be the tonic the crew needed and the singing would block the sound of the whispering voices.
The crew after all were on constant cockalonian & Klingon alert, Night & Day, they were along the watchtower, staring at the sun, at the window in the sky, but the crew were at one, they had a pride in their work. This was deep space 69, protector of S41, not Zoo Station. The Cockolians may have mysterious ways but it was nearly october and by then alan would have navigated to where the streets have no name and they would be safe in a city of blinding lights. If the cockolians wanted a battle it would be an unforgettable fire and they would end up in van diemans land, so Cockalonians get on your boots and surrender or you will be running to stand still,staring at the sun while miss sarajevo sings wake up dead men, this is a beautiful day for all in space with bonnyclyde and crew.... although there was a fear the O'Donnell mammies would rush the holodeck and create a daniel alert ... but the crew were strong, had the desire and knew that when love comes to town it is even better than the real thing.
Capt Keaneo having joined forces with the Klingons Forces is in hot persuit across the galexy hunting the Enterprise, his cunning plot is to land in Waterford Airport and take out the Starship Enterprise. Take Newbees captive and send her into deep space Klingongs would love to feed her to the Creppo Tribe as her bones and flesh would feed many a army of Creppos. Meanwhile Capt Keaneo and his sidekick Cutie is crossing the galexy singing Klingons on the starboard side, Klingons on the starboard side,
Capt Keaneo and his loyal sidekick Cutie have joined forces with the are a humanoid warrior species that organited from the planet Qo'noS, an M - class of the major powers of the Galaxy. With their proud , tradition they value honour and combat. The aggressive Klingon Culture has made them an interstellar military power tobe respected and feared. Kingons believe that they have the instinctive abilty to look an opponent in the eye and see any intent to kill
But word has come come back that waterford airport is closed and all flights are re-directed to belfast? How will the ship make it to belfast and who will meet them at the airport to take them to the spaceship which is awaiting for them on the outside of town? Would it be possible for Mr and Mrs H to sail the ship into Befast disguised as the hss to save save all?
the O'Donnell mammies decision to polish the glassdome of Waterglass Spaceport enabled the Capt Clyde and his crew to slip out....using the telekinetic power of their Northern allies, the crew teleported onto the deck of HSS Horneyashell .... as they sailed triumphantly into Belfast port they were serenaded by an ever young Rod Stewart ... oh we are sailing...we are sailing..,Home again cross the sea,sailing, stormy waters,...Clyde will keep us free....we are flying,Like a starship cross the sky... klingons can us see me...we are free...
Kirk to keaneo ...Can you hear me, can you hear me..Thro the dark space, far away, we are flying, forever flying,
to escape you to stay free...We are sailing, we are sailing,...Home again cross the space....We are sailing stormy orbits,
we will be free...:yinyang:
So Keaneo with your Klingons do your worst... we have the force...the force is with us ...
Kirk to keaneo ...Can you hear me, can you hear me..Thro the dark space, far away, we are flying, forever flying,
to escape you to stay free...We are sailing, we are sailing,...Home again cross the space....We are sailing stormy orbits,
we will be free...:yinyang:
So Keaneo with your Klingons do your worst... we have the force...the force is with us ... 