...Arriving on the alien Planet Newbie noted the strange beings hobbling towards the recently landed craft, they had what looked like dildos attached to theyre forehead and Mouths that looked like vagina's, newbie reckoned they must be on the long forgotten planet 'Cockalong'in the presence of its little know race the 'Cockalonians' They're bizarre appearance Intrigues Newbie as theyre phallic foreheads caused a strange yet unmistakable tingling in her loins, she took out her communicator to signal the rest of the crew for back up...she was going to need it........
Arriving on the planet the crew were greeted by the site of newbie on all fours with a cockalonian forehead fucking her from behin d( as only a cockalonian can) Seeing his chance Padds grabbed another one and slapped his cock in its pussy shaped mouth 'May as well make the most of it Newbie' he chortled Alan Ball scratched his beard and thought 'Fuck it..when in a cocaklong, get yer fook on'
With a Banshee like howl Bonny's caught they're attention and stopped the shenanigans 'Oi yee feckers leave some cockalonian meat for me'....this was certainly going to be a long and bizzarre chapter in this convoluted story!!!!!!!!!!....to be cont....
Captain Clyde T Kirk was worried..." I am worried lady Bonns" he confided
Major Thomasbiglad cannot reach ground-control .... R2D2 Padds is only a hologram in Princess Newbies in box
Bomber set a course for Deep Space 69 in the MEAT-h solar sector .... I think we all need a rest, time to re group, time to plan, some crew bonking... "Lady Bonns a poker night me thinks .... Bonns get the cards ready"
Princess newbie send an ASBO... Let all know ... A light year from now ...
Tell Mr & Mrs H to park their craft in the back alley .... Call Keaneo, Cutie & Lemrac, we will need their help to plot the way ahead and defeat the Klingons.
Newbie get Dora & GK out of the sweatshop wardrone ... no more uniform modifications... No frilly bits, no front openings, no back openings, no crotchless...its once size fits all ... Dat or they can wear their birthday
Alan "Spock" Balls couldn’t believe the amount of fun gadgets there were on board .... But batteries may be an issue ... Perhaps he could suggest the ship be eco friendly... After all cldye did like his
Bomber lets go .... warp factor 69....
Alan "Spock" Ball .... Quit playing with the gadgets .... Issue a general order .... Deep Space 69 is a friendly place...so Lads, phasors on stun
and ladies set their phasors to super smooth
Ok Bomber let go... Deep Space69 is
make it so Bomber
spock I know u said this was a friendly place , but the landing zone looks like a pair of tits, but there is only one nipple and thats in the wrong place, just what the fook have u gotten us into, alan spock ball had a grin on his face, bomber was not amused and padds would be checking the spelling of warp factor 69 closely, and alan spock ball was in for a bollicking for sure,, bomber jumped, a loud bang, fook ye bally , i told ye to change the spark plugs on engine no 6 but did ye .....no all you wanted to do was perv the 3 titted beauties that look after the mechanics of this jeloppy, it would have been better if we had used Del boys 3 wheeler , now instead of being in deep space 69 we are in deep shit 69 and we are going down......i have an idea Alan spock ball declares...pull back ..................
.... Over the Tannoy an announcement is made.... "Ridingair are pleased too announce the arrival of flight Fooker888 to Dublin (Preswick) once again we have landed early, clap clap, Parties interested in availing of a discounted travel ticket to Dublin, please make yourselves known too the Cabin Crew, the price of train and ferry normally costs €100 but today we can offer it for €70, we hope you enjoyed your flight!"
The Captain's name is Padds and he would like too make an announcement!!!
with that the star ship comes to a halt. alan spock ball puts the ship on impulse speed just out side the earths orbit. perving the landscape for a good place to land. captain who now at this stage realizes he has the wrong ship for the job he decides to go to alderan to buy a space pod. but been a tight ass like padds he buys a dodgem car of duffy,s circus but fookit it has just enough room for himself and cutie. he knows now that he cant take prisoners cos his dodgem is small but he has read the script and knows that in chaptor 12 he gets the chance to steal a battle star owned by the cockalonians.
.... " This is your Capt. speaking... I would just like to apologise for Dora's knicker elastic getting trapped in the Door.... this resulted in a late departure, but thankfully we gained momentum, once in the air!
I am delighted to say this was a pleasent trip, but with execption, folks we appear to have a number of drunken louts on board that are dressed as Trekkies, with ideas above there station about flying,,,,, But I decided to bring them down to earth, thanks too a call from Keaneo on my new Sony Ericcson C905!!!
I strolled through the cabin earlier, Leaving Bomber121 in charge..... requsting he flew the Plane over my back garden so he could let you all see my back Garden... a feature that modelled on Bonns Boobs!
Capt Padds was aghast to see Alan. playing with his balls whilst doing the crossword.... stopped to give him a hint,, Mr Ball declined the offer... due to the fact that Mr Balls and Company had invited Capt for a drink this evening Cpat Padd's had too decline.... as he was flying to Waterford the very next morning.
Capt did a head count. prior to returning too land the Plane,,,, did a quick check..... OMG he announced,,, where is Bewbies,,,, and shit we are running out of.......
cockolonians me bollix padds , alan spock ball pulls bombers gear stick back to to the max, buckle up he screams , were in for the roide of our lives padds is thrown across the bridge , wonder what he was doing on o connell st bridge in a dodgem , bomber wonders, as spock racks it it to warp 12,, fook the ship is going so fast that clydes wig has been left behind;;;; fook ye bally now everbody will know that i ..........
clydee ye fooker double clicking is not allowed lol
have an affectation to capture and imprison Cockalonians so that S4I damsels have only my lance to embellish. Are Cockalonians a figment of our imagination or had Newbie truly created them in her haste to.....
Sorry Lancelot, think the Cockalonians came from the deliciously twisted mind of Clyde.
Bewbies wonder what would happen to their mission, with Captain Padds and Alan Spock Ball doing crosswords in a dodgem in O Connell street. The dodgem was seriously charred from the re-entry, and their communicator was damaged. Would they be able to contact the Enterprise with Padds new phone, was the signal strong enough to reach into space? And would Padds get a little more creative and at least say 'taking a pod to Planet Waterford' instead of flying to Waterford, sheesh, clyde's after taking us to space, ya can't be flying normal aircraft (do people really fly into waterford? I thought it was just a bit of a joke airport).
Thomasbiglad didn't know what the fook was going on...this story is getting more confusing than an episode of LOST...he was getting ready for his BIG part in Pornwood... and now lost in space with Bomber and Padds flying their pod to the glass airport in Watersports.... what happened to Pornwood .... where is Bonns, where is his crew, keano had whippped them nicely into shape...he was looking forward to having his pick of Newbie, Cutie, Goldenknicks, Lemrac and Mrs H ... Padds could keep hoisting his jib in the crows nest, Bomber could navigate and Clyde .... Thomas would give Clyde a job as a fluffer ... the harem was getting very dusty .... but what to do with MrH, he did have a big boat... best keep him locked in the brig, get Keano to keep an eye on him....
Thomas - Mr Director Alan Balls....whats my motivation in this scene
Alan- Thomas your motivation is......
their willie bits ur right newbie the plot was lost peeps where all over the place. padds was lost with his ridenair plane does he not know we can b charged baggage for that and the budget is smal as it is cos mr captain keaneo spent it all on gifts on mrs cutie. the star ship came up to the docking station for supplys newbie was left in charge of the stocking up, kirk told her to make sure there was ample amounts of condoms on board cos it was going to get messy in chaptor 12. mr zulu(thomas) got that (thomas)yea the slanty eyed git the stears the feckin star ship. he wanted lots and lots of lipsol just in (padds) wanted butt pluggers no 1 knows y but he got them, alan spock ball kirks right hand man just wants peace and a directors chair. there was an order for 100 blow up sheep but as far as we know stud was not on this trip so that was scratched. just 1 last thing to b loaded before we get under way a ducky pond for padds for washing his little bits in the mornings. kirk to scotty have ya beamed all the crew on board I captain 500 hundred swingers as ordered 400 lady,s and 200 men. emmmm kirk thinks to him self where did i get this crew form this is going to b 1 of my best adventures yet and 5 years to do it. zulu reverse speed take us out of the docking station and dont scratch the paint work admin just spent a fortune on it. set a course for cockalon warp speed, make it so........il say it again i love that make it so mmmmmmmm
Capt Clyde...you mean we are pulling out of pornwood ... I just had my parts freshly touched up by the makeup department ... but orders is orders ...
The ladies are loaded, the space dock is full of rubbers, the sheep are waiting to be blown, we have enough wood on board for the 5 years expedidition to .... and where exactly are we going or is Padds going to text the location from his fancy pants fone...
captian keanoes clapted out dogey dogem entered the space were the enterprise was heading , zulu aka captian thomasbiglad , he had to take a lower role as when himself and lord clyde were alone in the previous chapter had lost his captianship, in a game of tiddlewinks! but he had a cunning plan to take control of the enterprise later in the chapter!! meanwhile wehad spotted the now not so feard captian keano in our mists , open fire!!cried captian kurk ! distroy the villan ! no cries padds aka doc bones ! we need him for research ! , grrrr said cpt kurk ok bring them in !! ill let zeana the queen of deep shag 9 , aka bonni ,who has a sex parlour on the top deck of the enterprise ! with half price discounts for top crew !!
captain keaneo was handed over to warf aka (titan) head of serurity. take him to the brig. bones is not finished with him. bones aka padds lifts his eye brows up and sniggers emmmmmm mine all mine. gabrelle aka lemrac was in business partner in the sex parlor with zena aka bonns they where workin on newbies make over and colour brown nunber no 5. newbie was getting herself ready for alan spock ball. since he got his ear extentions newbie was able to grab em and yell lick lick harder, alan loved his new ears. captain im getting a signal from the uss starship bushless. put it on comms LT uhura aka mrs dubcplmg. kirk here!! captain lance here!! we have klingons on the starboard side. kirk them is pissed u have their leader captain keaneo and they want him badly they are comming to get you.....
As the novelty of alans ears started to fade, Newbie wandered off to the holodeck. None of these poncy training excersises for me, she thought, "Computer, fantasy number 685", as Newbie looked around the room at all the sexy men, whose only purpose was to please her she thought, "I'm going to have to put a few more coins in the meter, this could take a while". And as she closed her eyes and succumed to teh waves of pleasure that washed over her, she realised, "I'm not the only one who thought of using the holodeck for filthy purposes" But just as she was rally starting to enjoy herself, the ship shook sharply...
Padds in the meantime had returned from Waterford and decided to read this thread. He was curios about Bewbies being "succumbed to teh?" Who where these folks? Where they related too that tribe Lord Clyde introduced those wemon? Or was it Alan-Balls fan club? Padds looks to Bewbie and seeks guidance and she replys . . . .
ffs captain pedantic is back
While muscular and, quite well endowed, newbie bypasses the holodec simulations of Nausicans, Klingons, Jem Hadar and Species 8472 (mostly cos their cross-eyed, lumpy and oozing faces would knock her off her stride)she stops in front of one unassuming figure. "And what can you do for me?" she asks seductively, nay challengingly. "Well, " replies the simulcrum of Commander Data, "I am fully functional in all sexual matters......", he pauses for effect for a precisely timed seconds "........and I never get tired." Newbie smiles and........
Meanwhile, on the bridge, Captain Padds is yelling at the Tactical Officer..."Mr Worf, Fire Photon Toorpedoes, full spread!". Worf growls back "Captain, our weapons are having no effect. The Dictionaries are absorbing all of our weapons-fire!". Padds mutters "I knew I should'nt have woken the Spell-Check section of the Q-Continuum!". "Well, " he announces to the crew, "they won't get us without a fight. Arm the Dildo Cannon!"
meanwhile there was a more immediate problem on board the ship. Captain Kirks hairpiece was running amock. It had been known to have caused problems on its previous role on Hawaii50, where it had been starring in the role of Jack Lord's quiff for some time. Knowing that the rest of the crew were busy with the impending battle, Deanna Newbie would have to leave the holodeck early tonight, and control the rampant hairpiece before lives were lost. The atmospheric conditions in space were causing havoc with the hairspray gasses that the hair was used to on a daily basis. It was growing, and becoming more aggressive...but it would have to wait another five minutes cos this robot guy is really hot...
kirk is worried he sits on his captains chair with his hands on his face thinking what am i going to do, my hair piece is a hand me down from steeve magarret (hawaii 50) my psycho officer is shagging a robot that thinks like padds built in cpell checker an all my sacurity office keeps getting his protons eaten up by dick en ary,s and spock is some where between here and deep space 9 what else can go wrong??? and this is only day 2 in chaptor 1. drastic measures have to b how how can i get the officers to pull the line a pay rise no the money is gone keaneo made sure of that. aaaahhhhhh i know computer............
Computer dick is failing as he gets engulfed by the giant hairpiece that has now been supplemented by all the Cockney syrups and Brummy wiggies.
Newbie, always searching for new adventures, looks up and notices that the hairpiece has taken the form of Sir Jasper. Seizing the moment, she summons her best singing voice and sings the opening stanza of an immortal rugby song "Oh Sir Jasper do not touch.....
hay padds what ever ur on gis 1 
