Padds is beginning to crack as Cutie puts pressure on his balls , squzzing harder making him scream, Padds known there is no hope of surviving , agrees to sing. Meanwhile on deck Alanballs has tryed to get the Amozan tribe to release him , he is trying to win over there hearts, showing them his balls . But the Amozan Tribe are not for turning mmmmmmmmm, meanwhile in the Hold Lady Bonns and Lemrac has decided to make the best of a bad day by agrereing tooperate fully. Half starved and cold they cry out for water and food, while newbies and candylove sleep. Little do they know their faith as The Jolly Roger sail close to the African Coast. Capt keaneo and his sidekick Cutie have great plans for them. They are going to sell them into slavery, as white slaves will get big money in Africa.
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Creative Writing
Cutie applies more Pressure and asks " Tell me about Lord Clyde" Padd's gives in, Cutie asks " Will he tell me all I need to know?" Padd's remembers the time clydee was in the North shopping in Sainsburys on the way back to the Border he was stopped by the PSNI,,, Clydee told them everything.... The PSNI officer said " Thank you, I only asked you, your name!" Cutie was soo excited she......
Newbie was stunned that Padds hadn't made an issue of 'faith' in the previous post. They may not have known their 'faith' very well, but neither of them were religious, also the bible was a really big book with lots of boring bits, so did many people really know their faith? As for their 'fate' however, they were in safe hands...Lord Clyde and Captain Thomas were a formidable adversary...and when Padds starting singing and thus causing his captor to release her grip (as she clutched her ears in pain)he would finally be able to...
Sex God
..The good ship swing was indeed a fine Craft and with Mrs Horny s fine figure as the maidenhead they weren't going to steer into too choppy waters, the motley crew scrubbed the deck as it was covered with strange fluids from the night before s activities and Mrs Horny swore it was coconut milk...we all believed her though thousands wouldn't. That aside the cruise was quiet pleasurable, But as they looked on the horizon ahead they noticed the dark Looming foprm of the Battle cruiser from 4-5 posts up that was making for theyre directing, Mrs Horny shouted 'all hands on Deck' Declan was not amused when he was groped by anyone withing grasping distance of him....;this was getting interesting!!!!!!
banjo, which had been passed down from his great grandfather, and had even been hidden an orifice of a friend of his fathers during time spent in a prisoner of war camp. But that was another story. As bomber struggled to get the instrument to play a tune, the radio crackled into life (who knows what time setting we are in at this stage)...Lord Clyde here Bomber, it's time...
Playing his cards right,knowing that Padd's was organising a Poker Night again soon.
Padd's took out his wee black book... the one he stole from Lord Clyde, then handed it back... fook all in it!!!!! he had found his new phone, selecting phonebook menu he was aghast.... small gathering who and how many can I invite?
Unlike Clyde who had his own harbour at the end of his garden, Padd's was not fortunate enough to be blessed with the same virtues, he did infact live in Meath and come September, there would infact be Horses racing on the Beach!!!!!!!!!! and only a pigeons dump, a hens trot from his abode!
He immediately sat down.... and bluetoothed his entire address book from his new phone to his Laptop, synchronised that data that was imported and place it into a pivot table in EXCEL, then rated the top 10.
Padds new there where some peeps that just got an automatic invite, those people know who they are!!
Padd's thought what or where is Bewbies? has fate or faith taken her destiny....
Bomber and Shazandm... knew they could just sit back and laugh,,, for they along with Bonnyclyde knew they would be invited.... as would .......
for the cruiser to dock, will ye nip to the shop and get me 20 fags and oh get me 20 marlboro lights too, bomber made his way of the cruiser nerly tripping over padds who was shining the captains shoes , while shaz cracked the whip to make him get a move on, fook said bomber never knew galway had a porn cinema,, wonder what time the ship departs ah fook it ill take a chance, as he entered the cinema , you will never believe what he saw..........................................
Master of Sex
playing his banjo and giving orders to his bunch of hunky sailors all mustle and sun tanned newbee kept falling over her tongue bonns not to far behind her trying not to spil her drink. padds was all over the place trying to get a beter look at them big sailors newbee says them 6 on the left quator deck are mine padds. padds takes out his telescope holds it in the upright direction and shouts to the big sailors who wants this. newbee looks up at padds and says to her self not on ur life padds them is mine mine i tell ya. captain keaneo is shaking in his wellies and screams to his loyal cutie,CUTIE what the fook will we do now look at the size of it its huge cutie look at the big ship and sees them big tanned sailors and shouts back at captain fook this ur on ur own newbee bonns wait for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, as the big ship gets closer the girls of s4i can see its the boys come to rescue them clyde thomasbiglad alan bomber dera and airforce all in them pretty uniforms and them big guns. whit that 4 shots from the big guns on the starboard side rings out and his the jolly rogger right in the kisser. she starts to keel to the port side. padds is scared he sees his life flash before him, with that he hears that lovely voice of clydes singing, DO U THINK THAT ID LEAVE U CRYING WHEN THERES ROOM ON ME HORSE FOR 2, clyde grabs padds by the ......
Master of Sex
clydes typing took so long that 4 peeps got in before him he should have been where bewbee is with the banjo bit but not to worrie alan balls pic just came through and clyde wonders who the fook is the guy in the condom knickers was it padds from the back dunno could b bongo but he is not in the script so who is it. does,nt matter alan take this story through the matrix to start all over again the girls are saved the evil captain keaneo is up to his knackers in water cutie has come over to the side of the super hero,s padds is riding a horse with clyde mr and mrs h is doing a nude seen for the captains table to b released in time for christmas, in the next matrix clyde is captain kirk of the uss enterprise with duty free shop and all beem us up alan the adventure begins
Master of Sex
CHAPTOR 1 PIGS IN SPACE WHO WANTS TO GET THE BALL ROLLING
"Sheesh Doc, pick an easy one why don't ya" whined Miss Piggy, while flicking her hair suggistively at the doctor, giving a little wiggle in her new pvc nurses uniform. Suddenly, the new patient was wheeled in, Miss Piggy and Kermit were shocked to see who lay injured on the trolly, it was...
but captain keaneo knows full well that he is not out witted by the super hero's as his sidekick Cutie is just there biding her time to use her secret weapon, then when all those super heros press on her button too much she will let it all out and drown them in one huge squirting wave, allowing captain keaneo to come on board and take command of lord clydes ship......
Padd's returns,
Having spent the last 20 mins reading this thread and wondering, where the fook is the Qoute or Reply Button? Had Keaneo infact followed out his Dastardly plot and robbed Padd's of everthing? Had Cutie infact hurt Padd's soo much that he couldn't see? Then realised he had been timed out!
Or Had spent too long in the Chat with Shaggs and Bomber (on a private network- Main Street lol)
Padds took a step back the last few days, after getting his knuckles wrapped, the bold corner on this occassion was not enough.....
Padd's decided.... time for a swim............
in shite ye fooker,,,, yer a tight git padds says bomber, only i bumped into clydee i would have missed the sale of 2 engine light ships to fly the light fandango from the tesco van, now where is me credit card, im sure i had it the last time padds invited me round for dinner as i had to use it to pay and he only took creditcard payments , the crafty fooker, now i remember , i gave it to him and he said................................
Master of Sex
pisssssssssssssssssst padds where the fook are ya going to have a swim here ur in space now ur surpost to want to go to the engin room with spock or sommit for a quicky captain kirk alias clyde will do his nut newbie ur a falkin who wants a folkin ride captain keaneo is now the clingon ffs so come on padds get with it feck wasting time swimming around in a ducky pond films cost money i want u as bones ahhahahahah so ya can fix me willie when newbie sucks it to hard in chaptor 15
Deanna Newbie Troy was loving the sexy tight cat suit uniforms, although they were a bugger when you were dying for a pee. Also, they really didn't suit everyone. Captain James T. Kirk (T stands for thomasbiglad, not many people know that) walked towards her, tears of laughter rolling down his face having just seen Clyde Scottie trying to zip up his skin tight lycra uniform...Captain Kirk had already thought of the title he would use for the video clip, this a was a real internet winner. "She'll nay hold it captian", Scottie cried, as the zip of his suit strained, and with that captain Kirk doubled over in laughter. "As an empath I can tell, you find something amusing Captain Kirk" remarked Deanna Troy. But he was already off doing his dramatic intro; "Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its 5-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before. "
Master of Sex
newbie was so into the script padds with his knuckles rapped he let the water out of his sink and desides to go with the flo i knew once i mentioned money he he would toe the line. newbie was right the lycra suits could b a prob for peeing and having a number 1 goldenknicks supply of g strings would run out in no time it was time to call in wardrobe. dora we need quick access in the lycra suits can ya do someting about dora sets about work. newbie was still laughing at kirk and scotty throwing shapes trying to get into the suits but little did she realise kirk and scotty was having their won little giggle newbies left ear was crucket real funny. wardbobe was going to b busy for most of chaptor 1 by the looks of it, and u guessed it time is........
As Padds cracked under pressure and sang like a bird, cutie continued to squeeze his balls more and more padds was now singing alto.
The feared Capt Keaneo was having his wicked way with Lady Bonny and Lemrac in his Quarters while his loyal servent was getting ready to test Alan Balls cannons mmmmmmmmmm.
The wardrobe dept started passing round the valium when Titan walked in for his fitting...The story change had completely flown over the heads of others. But there wasn't time for this, the had to get to Swing4, a far off planet that was entirely populated by swingers, and they had been recieving distress signal from the planet. The Enterprise would take some time to get there, even at full warp speed. They were unable to contact the planet, what could be wrong? Deanna had some good friends living on that planet, she hoped they were ok...
Will Bonny and Lemrac survive , will Capt Keaneo and Cutie get a good price as they head for the African Coast to sell Padds into slavery, his balls and body will get them a good bounty. Meanwhile they are persued by Lord Lucan Clyde and Capt Thomas on their floating pontoon, With Keaneo heading for Africa and richeS, Lady Bonny, Lemrac and Candylove have decided tooperate with their captors. WHile the fiery Newbies is still shackled to the mast. Unwilling to spill the beans on the where abouts of Clyde and thomas, Capt Keaneo has instructed his side kick Cutie to do her worst on Newbies crack or will Cutie drown her with her secret weapon ??
