Having been a member on this site since the beginning I see people come and go, some people add to the site and others decide to stay quietly in the background to chat and play…
I have seen many changes and one I have seen these last few months is the change in the chat room. I will be honest and say I think not only for newbies, but also for some older members it isn't a very friendly place at times, and I don't think this is a good thing for the site.
Some have placed themselves on a pedestal based on their popularity and activities and are at times disdainful of others or patronising. We now have a high percentage of member who won't chat in the main room because of this. There has been a few threads on the boards about it but members get shot down for even suggesting it happens
Swinging isn't about how hot you are or how good looking you think you are, it's a lifestyle that all walks of life participate in and being judgemental, disdainful or patronising is the undoing of many in the long run. Reminds me of that saying, the higher you climb the harder you fall.
I will just say one last thing.
Some people need to take a good hard look at how they behave on site.
Most people don't come here to join a knitting group or want to be in one, they're here for adventure, so don't ruin the chat room by only sticking to a club, be a bit more open and accept we are all different.
You never know what your missing by being exclusive,hidden treasures are often the most valuable
Totally Agree.... Always one for chat but lately just having been feeling it!
At the same time new members should always feel welcome in chat but the atmosphere has Definitly changed
Quote by Kitten28 Totally Agree.... Always one for chat but lately just having been feeling it! At the same time new members should always feel welcome in chat but the atmosphere has Definitly changed
Same as that, I had thought it was just coming from me and a change in my circumstances. Worrying if it's a common sentiment
Hey Guns,
We were about to post something along the same lines as your post and we totally agree with your comments. We use a lot of the opened rooms in chat and recuring feedback we have been getting from both new members and people who are well respected and known on the site is that the main room in chat is uninviteing place to be. Groups have formed amongst members that like dominating the chat and displaying their popularity amongst themselves like its a badge of honour. God forbid you are not part of this group(newbie or outsider) as you are ostrasized and felt totally unwelcome. The Main chatrooms needs to get back to what it was, A fun welcoming place that everyone could add something to the good vibe that was present. If these groups are so confident about their popularity why dont they open their own room and people will follow and leave the main chatroom to what it was intended for, a startng point in chat to get in touch with like minded individuals or couples and not a popularity contest. We feel this needs to be said as we have been online on other sites and growing number of people are ditching this site over the atmosphere in main chat. Swinging is supposed to be fun, friendly, sociable and exciteing FOR EVERYONE and people should remember this in the way they behave in chat.
Ive read and re-read this post and its taken me ages to be able to reply. I possibly have to hold my hand up and say that maybe I've been guilty at time of not being a bit more welcoming to newbies in chat. I was lucky when I came on here first,,,,off sick for 3 mths spending days in here talking to others that I got to kno including a few mods, one of whom invited me to my first party.(Id hate to try to break into chat now as a newbie.) I would however hate to think I'm even close to the attitude that I've seen prevail amongst some individuals in chat. GUNS 'Some have placed themselves on a pedestal based on their popularity and activities and are at times disdainful of others or patronising.'… SnS 'Groups have formed amongst members that like dominating the chat and displaying their popularity amongst themselves like its a badge of honour. God forbid you are not part of this group(newbie or outsider) as you are ostrasized and felt totally unwelcome.'
Im kinda getting bored with the after party self congratulatory comments that hop around FOR DAYS !!,,like rabbits from Watership Down, and I know from chats Ive had with numerous others that they also feel the same. A day r so is one thing,,,a whole week is a joke ! I tend to stay out of the main room now because of it. Its not that long ago that we had complaints about the room size restriction and people not being able to get in,,,now with some they cant wait to get out ! GUNS 'I will just say one last thing. Some people need to take a good hard look at how they behave on site.'
Theres been a few over time who have behaved in such a prattish manner they've ruined themselves on site and have left,,, SnS ' If these groups are so confident about their popularity why dont they open their own room and people will follow and leave the main chatroom to what it was intended for. ' Well said.
I completely agree with Guns' post here. The fun in chat has gone for me too. It is driving people away from the site without a doubt. But can anything actually be done about it? I don't think it can, maybe others think differently :-?
I would also like to add on a lighter note...I am still distressed with the fact that the site owners got rid of the animated whistle smiley in chat dspite my campaign to bring him back.....:kissmyarse:
Will have to agree something has gone astray here :scared:, What happen to light hearted fun and a good old laugh did it go out the window with our much miss icons :-( , ….. I joined with the impression that this was an adult site where we would all behave accordantly and what happed behind closed doors stays there , Put unfortunately this no longer seem to be true as chat seems to be the preferred gossip station this is why I feel the clicks , groups and band wagons seem to take over … Is there really anyone here who is better than the rest off us , We are all different and have joined here for different reasons and with different expectations in mind when doing so , put correct me if I am wrong , I was under the impression that diplomacy , tact , confidentially where off the foremost importance to us all here ??????
So do we just sit back and let the minority rule as they seem to be …OR … do we start acting like adults again and put a stop to it and get back to having good old fashioned fun ???
I am sticking to my Guns ( NO PUN INTENDED :lol2: ) , Honesty , Manners and common courtesy come first …..:high-smile:
'Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.' ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Ok, this is my two cents worth from a personal point of view. I totally agree with whats been posted, the chat room has changed a lot these last few months. Being a member a very long time now I remember when I joined having left another not to be named site because of behaviour I found this site a breath of fresh air, with everyone being friendly, open for the banter and laugh and open to getting to know others. But quite frankly the I love me and cock of the walk crowd are ruining it for members trying to get a foot hold on the scene via chat here. SnS is right I think in that they should go open a room and let whoever wants to follow them do so and leave the main chat for the likeminded ppl who want to get started, because lets be honest here and say their a click, simple as that, and sure ppl come to their defence and say there's no such thing as a click that it's a bunch of friends, well that's six of one and half a dozen of another in my eyes.
I could go on but will leave it there for now, needless to say I would only rant too much if I posted further
Guns great post hon :clap: and i am delighted you had the balls to actually say it out loud.
Of course all of ye know i don;t like to moan or bitch :eeek: but chat has changed the last couple of months and not for the better. I hope that i wouldn't be part of the problem since i find the chatroom the easiest avenue to get to know people. Sometimes I do contribute to the negative atmosphere by my bitching of messers but i hope that no one can actually say that i am unfriendly . I myself find it difficult to join chat in the main room at night time...thats why i stick to the smaller rooms. I really just hope we all look at oursleves and see what we can do to make the chatroom a happier, friendlier place.
xxx worship
P.s. sparks...i so agree about the whistle smiley..its as if people forgot how to flirt without it ;(
Quote by sparks28 I completely agree with Guns' post here. The fun in chat has gone for me too. It is driving people away from the site without a doubt. But can anything actually be done about it? I don't think it can, maybe others think differently :-?
People, as regards what can be done, there is a responsiblilty on everyone to make the chat a better place. Everyone needs to help by trying to be more open and inclusive of newbies or the quieter chatters. Also if people use the abuse report feature more regarding abuse or pestering whispers, us as mods have something that we can work with as regard's weeding the pests off the site. The bitching about whispers in the chatroom is acheiving nothing and only kills any chance there is of creating a nice inviting vibe. As the chatroom has been updated people have more options regarding whispers including blocking them altogether and this should be used more. If someone new says Hi how about taking the time to say hi back!! We as moderators need to consider everyone when we deal with a situation or chat issue and maybe chat users need to take the same approach when they experience these issues. Suppose what we are saying is that people need to start thinking of others too in the manner in which they use the chatroom.
yes i would totally agree with what yer saying ere yes.... even i will say ive seen some groups that have formed and maybe these people have not yet seen it ... but seeing this now as well i hands up yes will say ive done it too..... its gettin kinda hard to fit in,,, but im thinking each and every one of us has our own expectations of what we want an what we expect bk in return........ its hard to take chat "coz we dont know just how to take it anymore" some its the banter and some do it well for the banter. flirt and they do it well etc etc..... so who knows what to expect anymore. confuzzled now lol
We gave up going into chat because of the clicks, and ok we say hi to people when we went to chat but got sick of all the air kisses. yes its nice to be polite but for gods sake dont take up the whole room greeting your mates and ignoring all the other members
Gun's, you remind me of a great add on the telly for a beverage of repute many moons ago 'Strong words, softly spoken'!
I concur with the majority of this threads contributors, as a shy newbie I did witness the same culture in the past, gladly most of those perpetrators have now moved along but sadly a new guard has taken they re place, like so many before me I have lost my 'Gra' with the main chat-room this while, mostly for other things happening in the 'real world' but also because of the unfriendly nigh on clannish attitudes of a few individuals regarding post party synopsis, back slapping excercises, and general self consumption type attitudes in main chat, Discretion anyone? surely we put enough effort in maintaining this element to our activities in our profiles and the like, and the double whammy of 'speaking out of school' and the appearance to the ever joining new member that the 'swing scene' is a hard to penetrate(God why couldn't any other word be more fitting..no pun intended)commuinity doesn't help to the contribution of keeping the scene fresh. So the next time you Ignore that tentative newbie, or Ignore an Individual for fear of 'Associating with the wrong Ilk', Think of this, we all had to start somewhere on here and FIRST IMPRESSION do Count!
100% agree with the topics raised here and as a shy person i can very much say it is very hard to start a conversation to begin with but in the main chat with certain members it is just foolish to even try of you have said recently this has been happing but Ive been a member for awhile now and can say in my experience its always been happening so much so that i am in the habit that as soon as the chatroom loads im pressing the other rooms button to find another im not trying to knock anyone on here on some personal level,its great that others have made friends and have sparked great relationships but it does push others to shy away and just not bother when people are having personal conversations and jokes and not inviting to others but in saying that there are times and members on here that do pester and annoy or just don't appeal to certain people but it doesn't mean the room isn't theres either.
I don't know even if Ive made any point or sense here but theres my bit.
. male and proud.
well said guns and raven i tottaly agree with r 2 certain people on this site that r totally responsible 4 the clicks u know who u r not gonna mention names. But as a member i have 2 say the site is going more downhill than uphill because of this so called click as they call stick 2 one room only now as its a friendly and chatty room with no clicks in it and everyone is made feel welcome.u know who u r guys so grow the fook up
Credit where credits due .... excellent point.
As I said earlier I do agree with all of the above. I myself stepped away from chat and it is on the rare occasion I do step in. I love having the banter with new and old members.
I'm not sure there is anything that can be dine to change chat I think over the last few months I've seem the atmosphere go up and down and that's just the way it will be. On the chat room names the main chat is called newbies so u would think there would just be newbies there but itseems to be the hotspot for all members maybe the name should be changed?
Kitten I agree with you on that last bit, but alas the name might change but still will have the majority in the main room as they are too lazy to go elsewhere and others don't get the exposure they crave if they go into quieter rooms.
I fear my response may seem defensive, but I feel I must add a different perspective to this topic, but I do so in a positive manner and for some part agreeing with alot of the points made above.
I agree completely that welcoming newer members is part of the whole chatroom experience. I was a newbie not so long ago - heck i'm still fairly new - and I admit that initially when I started using the chatrooms it WAS slightly, I dont think intimidating is the correct word to use, but certainly overwhelming with the obvious bonds and friendships that had already been formed. It took me a while to feel comfortable in the chatrooms, some may say I was 'ostracized', but i refuse to use this defeatest term about myself.
Now I'm not here to join a knitting circle as Titan described it :lol: - for one I'm a leftie so knitting was always tricky for me ha - but I will hold up my hands and say I am guilty of favouring a bit of banter with people I know in chatrooms; but should I be ashamed of this and kicked to a different room because I share some common interests with some others?? Can I not also be allowed to chat with newer members aswell in the main chatroom??
As a fundamentally social site, if people are going to analyse the goings on they should base their analysis in line with other social setings ie; if you go to a new job, it takes time to build rapport with others, not everyone is going to get along - there are always those who prefer to remain on the periphery and others who gravitate and prefer to interact with those who they share a common ground with, some will work hard to get a result and others who will sit back and expect everything to land on their plate. It all comes down to different personality traits.
Ok I've been typing so long here I've lost my point :lol: but I think you get out what you put in. Oh and I promise I'll give everyone an air kiss from now on :)
I have to agree with Guns, I have been looking in on the chatrooms lately (perving maybe ) trying to get used to the lingo etc but haven't had the confidence yet, not so sure if I want to either – wouldn't be that fussy about the way some of the females are being hassled there. Maybe its time for some of you seasoned chatters to jump in there and give them a ticking off – or is this acceptable??
i totally agree with titan guns and sns .when i enter chat i set up my own chat tyhat way my friends can find me even chat in my room has dided but i keep trying to get them all to chat xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx suzie
Ok well ive been thinking bout this for a few days and now I think its time to air my views.
I would consider myself a chatroom regular, Im in there a lot and I suppose some mite say im very vocal. When I see the posts about the cliques I always think ah there no cliques, Ive never noticed them...so that got me thinking is that because im part of one?? I have times in my life experienced what its like to be an outsider and not fit it and I would expect that a swinging website is not the place anyone like minded would feel like that. It took me a view months to find the chatrooms and the first few times I logged in I logged straight back out again I found it very intimadating and to this day I can still remember the first person who I chatted with and made me feel so welcome.
I came on this site with once single view in mind and to my pleasent surprise I found more then that. I found people I now consider to be friends and I have had such a laugh with them. I love the chatroom most days, coming in having a bit of banter with the people im friendly with and the people I plan on gettin friendly with.
I see a lot are givin out about the chat that goes on post party......why is this so annoying to you?
RE: being friendly to newbies. I dont think anyone could say Im not friendly to ppl but I will admit when I go into chat I know the people who will chat to me and have a laugh with and its just easier...I have wasted a lot of time trying to drag conversation out of people. Its not easy, after the hi how are u, theres not much more to go on, and it gets to the stage where u feel your bothering them. And of course when you are asked to whisper and say no your ignored by them or the chat can become nasty!! I will chat to anyone as long its friendly banter but if I dont feel comfortable with the way a conversation is goin, its one word answers time
As I am a single female I know how daunting it is and if a see a new single female name in room always try to caht to them...some dont want to chat to girls for whatever reason and again thats fine!
I have come to the reaslisation that some folks dont want to chat and that is fine! They have a purpose goin in there and are not interested in anything else.
RE: The whispering thing...I love the new block its great for gettin rid of pests! But its so easy to just say oh block em and move on but ya no when you have seen something said ya cant unsee it and I am not a robot I do have feelings and it does get to me.
Also maybe teh whisperer is actually jus shy so blocking them mite stop you gettin to know someone decent, I try and drag them to main but again a lot dont want to chat in main.
I have been known to make jokes in main with other single females about things that are said but humor can be a self defence mechanism and also a warning to others we dont like it dont do it.
Im not going to say much about the lies being spread....it all comes out in the end and the scene is not huge and you should be very carefull who you bitch too cause you never no who there friendly with
Anyway I think we could all remember that behind the random username is a person with feelings and yes we are grown adults but that doesnt mean you can say whatever you want to ppl and not expect offence to be taken.
And if anyone new to the site sees this thread and thinks its a horrible place then you have teh wrong impression. There are lovely sexy freindly horny people who make up for the bad eggs and worth getting to know!
Well all i can say is fair play Guns and the other posters Perhaps reading this post might bring to attention the fact that people are being mis-treated at the expense of others in here '' for kicks , climbing the social ladder or just plain rudeness and jealousy'' Lord knows this is a swingsite and sex is on the agenda for EVERYONE. Nobody wants to be the person to name and shame but we think if you know someone who's having that affect on another person in here, then a discrete veer towards this post might actually hit home with them that they are in fact '' The kind of person this post is all about.''
Having contemplated emailing someone and making them aware of the effect of their bad behaviour on us and our membership here, and after reading Gun's post, we have decided that his post has covered every aspect of our ''problem'' and we're giving grace to the fact the person involved will read it and realise that their negative rude behaviour is meerly highlighting the kind of people they are and silently give them the chance to change their outlook on how they behave in the fantastic world of swing !!!
Here's hoping anyway !!!
Rgds
The Lyckers..... :twisted:
Quote by Guns Having been a member on this site since the beginning I see people come and go, some people add to the site and others decide to stay quietly in the background to chat and play… I have seen many changes and one I have seen these last few months is the change in the chat room. I will be honest and say I think not only for newbies, but also for some older members it isn't a very friendly place at times, and I don't think this is a good thing for the site. Some have placed themselves on a pedestal based on their popularity and activities and are at times disdainful of others or patronising. We now have a high percentage of member who won't chat in the main room because of this. There has been a few threads on the boards about it but members get shot down for even suggesting it happens Swinging isn't about how hot you are or how good looking you think you are, it's a lifestyle that all walks of life participate in and being judgemental, disdainful or patronising is the undoing of many in the long run. Reminds me of that saying, the higher you climb the harder you fall. I will just say one last thing. Some people need to take a good hard look at how they behave on site. Most people don't come here to join a knitting group or want to be in one, they're here for adventure, so don't ruin the chat room by only sticking to a club, be a bit more open and accept we are all different. You never know what your missing by being exclusive,hidden treasures are often the most valuable
Quote by kittylycker Well all i can say is fair play Guns and the other posters Perhaps reading this post might bring to attention the fact that people are being mis-treated at the expense of others in here '' for kicks , climbing the social ladder or just plain rudeness and jealousy'' Lord knows this is a swingsite and sex is on the agenda for EVERYONE. Nobody wants to be the person to name and shame but we think if you know someone who's having that affect on another person in here, then a discrete veer towards this post might actually hit home with them that they are in fact '' The kind of person this post is all about.'' Having contemplated emailing someone and making them aware of the effect of their bad behaviour on us and our membership here, and after reading Gun's post, we have decided that his post has covered every aspect of our ''problem'' and we're giving grace to the fact the person involved will read it and realise that their negative rude behaviour is meerly highlighting the kind of people they are and silently give them the chance to change their outlook on how they behave in the fantastic world of swing !!! Here's hoping anyway !!! Rgds The Lyckers..... :twisted:
GUNS I TAKE MY HAT OF TO YOU GREAT POST,THERE IS CERTAIN TYPES NOT ACKNOWLEDGE IN HERE ,(ESPECIALLY WITH THE CLICKS THAT ARE FORMED) WHEN IJOINED AT FIRST EVERYBODY WAS SO EASY TO GET ON WITH AND MADE ME FEEL VERY WELCOME, WE ALL HERE FOR THE SAME THING AFTER ALL,AT TIMES I JUST SIT AND VIEW THE CHAT AND CAN BE INTERESTING, I JOINED IN ON CHAT ON MAIN SCREEN LATELY JUST TO MAKE CONVERSATION AND WAS TOLD BUTT OUT WHO ASKED FOR YOUR OPIONION, THINK PEOPLE SHOULD STOP JUDGING OTHERS TILL THEY REALLY GET TO KNOW THEM SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE LEFT BECAUSE THEY DONT FEEL THERE IS FUN IN THE SITE ANYMORE IF YOUR NOT PART OF THE CLICK, AS LONG AS WE MAKE OUR OWN FUN IM HAPPY BUT IT IS NICE TO BE INCLUDED NOW AND AGAIN RANT OVER
Quote by vanity , I JOINED IN ON CHAT ON MAIN SCREEN LATELY JUST TO MAKE CONVERSATION AND WAS TOLD BUTT OUT WHO ASKED FOR YOUR OPIONION, THINK PEOPLE SHOULD STOP JUDGING OTHERS TILL THEY REALLY GET TO KNOW THEM SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE LEFT BECAUSE THEY DONT FEEL THERE IS FUN IN THE SITE ANYMORE IF YOUR NOT PART OF THE CLICK, AS LONG AS WE MAKE OUR OWN FUN IM HAPPY BUT IT IS NICE TO BE INCLUDED NOW AND AGAIN RANT OVER
If anyone feels their conversation is reserved for certain other chatters then they need to take it off main chat. Move to a private room or conduct it in whispers, the OPEN chat-room is there for all to use and this butt out attitude will be reviewed if reported, how the hell can we encourage new members to stay and enhance the site when they have to fear the most public of forums we have.
Great to see a post from you again Mid. Havent seen one in a while. Love reading your posts
However I have noticed that the people that this post alludes to have not posted on this thread. Strange considering that they post in the forums on an almost daily basis
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:-( , ….. I joined with the impression that this was an adult site where we would all behave accordantly and what happed behind closed doors stays there , Put unfortunately this no longer seem to be true as chat seems to be the preferred gossip station this is why I feel the clicks , groups and band wagons seem to take over … Is there really anyone here who is better than the rest off us , We are all different and have joined here for different reasons and with different expectations in mind when doing so , put correct me if I am wrong , I was under the impression that diplomacy , tact , confidentially where off the foremost importance to us all here ??????
So do we just sit back and let the minority rule as they seem to be …OR … do we start acting like adults again and put a stop to it and get back to having good old fashioned fun ???
I am sticking to my Guns ( NO PUN INTENDED :lol2: ) , Honesty , Manners and common courtesy come first …..:high-smile:
'Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.' ~Eleanor Roosevelt
. I myself find it difficult to join chat in the main room at night time...thats why i stick to the smaller rooms. I really just hope we all look at oursleves and see what we can do to make the chatroom a happier, friendlier place.
xxx worship
P.s. sparks...i so agree about the whistle smiley..its as if people forgot how to flirt without it ;(
excellent point.
As I said earlier I do agree with all of the above. I myself stepped away from chat and it is on the rare occasion I do step in. I love having the banter with new and old members.
I'm not sure there is anything that can be dine to change chat I think over the last few months I've seem the atmosphere go up and down and that's just the way it will be. On the chat room names the main chat is called newbies so u would think there would just be newbies there but itseems to be the hotspot for all members maybe the name should be changed?
